I'm getting antsy.

... it's cold enough, it's dark enough -- I think I'm deciding that it's close enough. I'm breaking out my Christmas albums. Sipping overly sweet mint hot chocolate and listening to Christina Aguilera's My Kind of Christmas (for the very first time ever), so don't mind me if I'm not as cynical and cruel as I can be.

Backstreet Boy Nick Carter called Los Angeles' KIIS-FM from Barcelona, Spain yesterday morning to clear up the rumors about one-step-from-drag-queen Bai Ling. He responded with a firm and quick, "Hell no," when asked about the engagement rumors. He chuckled when Ryan Seacrest congratulated him for having "made out" with Ling, but maintained that "I've met her a couple times and we've talked as friends ..." Apparently, friends and family called Nick, upset about having found out about his wedding through the grapevine. "We are just friends and I'm dating, but would love to meet a great girl that has her life in order and understands my career goals," he said conclusively. [Not sure where I got the photo from, but apparently I've had it on my computer for at least a month.]

Since we're on the subject: I know eighty percent of you will not give a rat's ass about this next bit, but I am annoyed and had to rant. I was in a bit of a nostalgic mood last night and began scouring MTV.com for late-90s pop sensations, particularly the one-hit wonders such as Amanda and Mikaila. Anyway, I wound up checking to see whether they'd updated the Backstreet Boys' profile. They had. Skimming it, I found a blatant error: The group released its Christmas Album before the end of the year, by which time Millennium was well on its way to sales of 12 million copies in the U.S. alone. JIVE Records itself provided this biography -- and obviously got its two money trees mixed up. It was *N Sync who released a Christmas album, not the Backstreet Boys. And in 1998, not 1999. Do your research, man!

Just when new photos of Sienna Miller and Jude Law have been surfacing again, Law's ex-wife Sadie Frost told the media: "My relationship with Jude is the first priority for me. I'm spending all my time with Jude - I can't do anything else. It's important that we find each other, important for the children and me." Hey Jude. Stop being a dog.

Paris Hilton got in a bit of a scrape last night when she left L.A. club Element at 2:30am with boy-toy Stavros, Kimberly Stewart and Laguna Beach's Talan Torriero. (This is too strange a combination for me to even comprehend, so I'm not going to try to.) Stavros was driving when he scraped the hood of the Bentley against a parked truck, then proceeded (it is said) to lightly hit an innocent bystander. Police pulled the freak show over, and Talan was overheard telling the police, "I'm the only sober one, let's just go." With that, Paris blew a kiss to enforcement and said, "We love the police." [Photo courtesy of Perez Hilton]

Not even gonna go there. But if you wish to watch a clip of the initial scratching of said car, click here.

Those bruises Paris has been sporting on her arms of late? "She's very slender and can bruise easily ... And that's what happens when too many people are coming at her and bodyguards are trying to move her around," Elliot Mintz (her pub?) told The New York Post. These particular bruises, he says, were caused by "frenzied fan overreaction" in a recent trip to Las Vegas. So ... you know what I have to say already, don't you?

MSNBC is reporting that Lindsay Lohan is absolutely smitten with Jared Leto and has told a friend that "it would be great to run away, get married barefoot on the beach and shock everybody.” A friend added that “Lindsay says she has met the man of her dreams,” and that Leto is the one who's helped her to eat right and gain some weight back. Lohan becomes obsessively smitten with pretty much everyone she dates. I wonder what she's going to do with that tat she got of his "signature." Celebrities never learn.

My mom's favorite, Enrique Iglesias, is out to make a quick buck selling ... his own line of small-size condoms: “The next product I’m going to put my name on is extra-small condoms. I can never find extra-small condoms and I know it’s really embarrassing for people.”

O-kay.

What's the big surprise?

MTV announced that the season finale of Laguna Beach (next Monday) will air commercial-free, as it did last year. It will feature "live segments with the cast members" and, as many cast members have been hinting at throughout the season, a surprise twist. I really can't imagine what this surprise twist could possibly be. That Jason's actually thirty? That Stephen and Kristin "get back together"? Or -- my favorite -- that Kristin and Lauren become friendly?

... or maybe that it's Talan Torriero's two years older than his fellow classmates? According to E!'s Ted Casablanca, Kristin helped Talan ring in his twentieth birthday at Mood sometime this past week. [Probably November 2nd, which is what IMDB cites as his birthday. November 2, 1986.] As reputable a name as Casablanca's is, I'm not sure the guy really knows what he's talking about. He spelled Kristin's last name with an "e" and added that "K.C." quit her classes at LMU to pursue her acting career. It took me a second to realize he was talking about Kristin and not Casey, especially since neither of them attend(ed) LMU. E! needs a new intern. [Photo courtesy of SoCalHollister on therealoc boards]

Speaking of Talan, he's been cast in a "supernatural teen thriller" called Driftwood, which also stars a Diamond Dallas Page (wtf?!), Ricky Ullman (yay, Phil!) and was written and will be directed by Tim Sullivan. According to videobusiness.com, it's "set in a camp for troubled teens haunted by a host of murdered youth." Can't wait for this one.

As for Season Three of Laguna Beach, executive producer Tony DiSanto tells the New York Post that “The idea is since these kids who live there go off to college, they come home occasionally so it will be similar to this [second] season in that you’ll see a lot of familiar faces coming through, but the story will focus on a whole new batch of high school juniors and seniors.” MTV is toying with the idea of bringing cameras into LBHS again -- that is if the town concedes: “I would be open to discussions. After season one we decided to stay out of the school so as not to disrupt education and classes. Maybe now there is an opportunity to get into the school for a couple of key events, a sporting event would be great.”

Laguna Beach, the town, is none too happy with last week's "documentation" of the landslide benefit. Mayor Elizabeth Pearson-Schneider said: “I’m very disappointed; they
[MTV] didn’t live up to the promise to have a trailer at the end of the landslide show, asking for donations for the families ... They hardly featured anything about the landslide and the families; it would have helped the image of the show if they had.” Adopt a Landslide Family committee member and planning commissioner Anne Johnson said, “At the event it was kind of magical, a wonderful event they put together in a short time. I didn’t think it came through; it was a very good thing. The MTV kids worked very hard and that didn’t show. MTV went for more sensationalism."

Even Dieter was disappointed -- “It’s funny how they overshadowed the landslide with such superficial drama ... Trey and I got such emotional footage when we filmed. We went from house to house to talk with the victims. There was so much [human] emotion. I wish MTV would have covered it more.”

And for those who can't get enough of bad girl Kristin Cavallari, I'm sure you know to tune into MTV this coming Sunday to watch her get Punk'd. [Photo courtesy of "gabs" on therealoc boards]

Lindsay Lohan told New York's Daily News that she's thinking of taking some time off to get schooled at NYU. "I would go to NYU. I'm a New York girl, and it's easy to get to London and LA from here." Oh is that the reason why? It has nothing to do with Mary-Kate and Ashley and the trendiness of the school? Oh, okay.

Nicole Richie is rumored to be in talks with the people behind The O.C. to see if she can't nab a small role on it. Ever since The Simple Life was canceled (I think I may have missed the official announcement), she's been looking for a new project. Luck would have it that FOX already loves her, and so does O.C. star Mischa Barton! Nicole Richie, coming soon as the first real "ethnic" character!

Elisha Cuthbert recently revealed that she lost to Paris Hilton in a couple of drinking contests while shooting House of Wax in Australia: "We went out once or twice to go head-to-head on the shots. I can drink, I can hold my liquor, but I think she beat me ... I like a Jack Daniel's which I turned Paris onto. Before, she was drinking some turquoise thing. I said, 'Girl, if you're gonna drink, let's do the whiskey.'" Turquoise? Nouveau absinthe? Hmm ... [Photo courtesy of Yahoo! Movies]

Album Review: Some Hearts, Carrie Underwood

Simon Cowell is wrong. Carrie Underwood will not go on to outsell Kelly Clarkson. And it won't be entirely Carrie's fault.

First off, I want to say that there is nothing inherently wrong with country music, and I'll be the first to admit that I don't know all that much about it. But I know this much: if you're going to stick to country and you actually want to outsell any previous American Idol, you're going to have to shy away from the po-dunk sort. Which is what the writers behind this record chose not to do. They stuck accordingly to the tried-and-true country formula of storytelling, peppering many of the songs with "Daddy"s and "ain't"s, which hasn't been around since it went out with the last batch of late-90s boy bands.

The most blaring of "errors" is track number thirteen (already plagued), a song with a somewhat alarming title -- "I Ain't in Checotah Anymore." Checotah? I don't think some of the people who live within a 50-mile radius of Checotah know Checotah exists. The song digs itself further into a hole when lyrics like "my hotel in Manhattan holds more people than our town / and what I just paid for dinner would be a down-payment on a house / I'd rather be tipping cows in Tulsa than hailing cabs in New York ... you can get anything you want here except a Wal-mart store / but I ain't in Checotah anymore" are set to a rowdy fiddle. Honey, we ain't in Kansas no more -- we're in Checotah. This song does nothing for even the most earnest of non-Checotan Carrie fans: in the mess of embarrassing line dance music and Wal-mart worshipping, one can't help but wonder if Carrie should've ever left Checotah at all. If anyone thought this song was going to put Checotah, Oklahoma on the map like Britney did for Kentwood, Louisiana, they were terribly mistaken.

Lyrically-challenged writers aside, Carrie's vocals are strong -- but not distinctive. To a girl whose knowledge of country music includes the likes of Martina McBride and Faith Hill and extends as far as "lesser known" teen (or former teen) country singers as Jessica Andrews and Lila McCann, Carrie sounds like sixty-five percent LeAnn and thirty-five percent Jessica Andrews. Country twangs are country twangs to a city girl like me. I'm sorry.

"We're Young and Beautiful" is another travesty. Where "I Ain't in Checotah Anymore" offered amusement, "Beautiful" is completely dead on arrival. It starts out sounding like The Strangeloves' 1965 hit "I Want Candy," but turns quickly into another fiddle-driven, foot-tapping diddy. And Underwood's ad-libbing of "beautiful, beautiful, young and beautiful" gets annoying very early on. In fact, I reckon most of the people buying her album will not be young and beautiful. Cue future bitter boycotting from the friends and family of Checotah residents who bought the album because they "knew someone who knew Carrie Underwood."

But "Some Hearts" is not a lost cause. She has a few nice -- pleasing, even -- ballads in the mix, though most remain indistinguishable from one another. "Don't Forget to Remember Me" and "Whenever You Remember" have beautiful melodies, although the lyrics (and titles, certainly) need some touching up. The more forgettable songs -- the pop-meets-country midtempos ("That's Where It Is," "I Just Can't Live A Lie," "Starts With Goodbye") -- have uninteresting melodies coupled with slightly more insightful lyrics. It's a pity that the album can't seem to decide where it wants to stand and compromises meaning for melody and vice versa.

"Before He Cheats" stands out from the rest of the songs with its bittersweet yet seductive tone. Just the right mix of blues with country produces what is arguably the most appealing song of the batch. "The Night Before (Life Goes On)" comes in a close second, though its melody is not unlike many of the other songs on the album -- but Underwood's voice lifts the words off the page hauntingly and devastatingly. The title track, "Some Hearts," is as close to pop as the record gets -- dipped in the erratic bit of R&B.

Still, Underwood's single "Inside Your Heaven" is the most "generic" of songs on "Some Hearts." Misleading? Maybe. But we can't forget that the song was written so that it could've easily gone to runner-up Bo Bice. And "Some Hearts" only invites us to toy with the idea that it would've been better if it had gone to Bice.

Carrie Underwood's debut album "Some Hearts" releases on November 15th in the United States.

[Photos courtesy of Amazon.com and CarrieUnderwoodOnline.com]

The details come tumbling out ...

So the word on the street is that the criminal investigation that Ms. Paris Hilton will have to serve as a key witness in is against a twenty-eight year-old man named Riley, who was accused of "some big-time robberies." He was arrested in March for robbing Nicky and Paris' Hollywood home in 2004 and also the homes of other industry knowns.

And here I thought she'd witnessed some murder or something crazy like that. I should've known better -- we would've heard all the details straight from the horse's mouth!

In an upcoming A&E Biography episode on Paris, her family members speak about her past. Nicky and Paris' camera whoring aunt Kyle revealed the Paris was picked on in school: "There was jealousy and being picked on and I had to go down there a few times and straighten some people out because she was definitely picked on ... People would hear the last name and she was always a beautiful girl and that doesn't make for making a lot of friends with girls. She always had this attitude that she didn't care what people thought but she definitely did." Aunt Kyle thinks that Paris would make a wonderful mother: "She talks about wanting to be a mum. And all her animals are like her practicing. She will make a very good mum, very nurturing and she has good maternal instincts."

"Paris is like one of the best cooks you will ever meet. She is a neat freak. We live together and if I have dishes in the sink or clothes on the floor she will freak out," little sis Nicky went on to say. Hmm. I wonder how Paris and Nick Carter lasted so long ...

But poor Nicky won't be getting her own special -- all she got to do was criticize other "socialites": "My mother has always been very supportive of Paris and I and advising us to work. I don't understand these children who don't do anything. It is just very unfulfilling to me to just take your parents money and go shopping because you don't feel good about yourself."

Despite Nicky's criticisms, it comes back to bite her in the ass -- Mom and Dad are paying for rent, their cars and cell phone bills! Rick told A&E that "[i]n terms of the girls being able to support themselves they definitely can but what I do for them is that Kathy and I give them a monthly allowance which pays for their basics, their rent, their car payment and their cell phone bill which can be, depending on the month, quite large."

Do the Hiltons actually think this A&E special will make Paris any more credible!?

Our favorite cute little sweet teen idol Hilary Duff is beginning to shed -- along with the pounds -- her sweet image. She showed up at the premiere of Eon McKai's porno "Kill Girl Kill 3" at the former place to be seen on Monday nights in L.A., Joseph's. Publicist Sean Carnage (not her publicist, I don't think!) told AVN.com that "Hilary arrived with an entourage and sat at the side of the nightclub all night. At one point, Hilary asked two burlesque dancers to come over to her table and they did ... She never mingled with the guests, but did enjoy dinner, drinks and the music." Maybe Hilary thought it was a third "episode" of the Kill Bill series?

Jakey! Jake Gyllenhaal news (save for the Kirsten bit here and there) has eluded us for too long. With the theatrical release of Jarhead, he's everywhere! He told reporters during a recent press conference that he chipped his tooth shooting a scene of Jarhead where Jakey's character sticks a rifle muzzle in another guy's mouth. “When I pulled it out, [I hit myself in the mouth and] I remember I looked down and saw that my tooth had come off ... For some reason, I just got so angry that I had chipped my tooth... and just started hitting him and we didn’t talk for a month after that.”

Aw, Jakey. It wasn't his fault you hit yourself in the mouth!

[Photos: not sure where I saw them -- I've had the Paris one forever and was waiting for an opportune time to share. She lands herself in the most awkward photo ops!]

Bad Camera Angle Day!

The Pop World has officially gone on vacation. The weekend was never an excuse for a lack of celebrity gossip -- in fact, weekends are often the breeding ground for drunken slip-ups and SNL blunders. I guess this weekend just wasn't one of those weekends ...

So Paris Hilton has been served with a subpoena for being a witness in a murder case. That's scary, but apparently she didn't think so, because immediately after the police officers left, she and Nicky left for the clubs. Paris has been photographed -- again -- with black and blues all over her arms. She sure can't blame Nick Carter for them this time ... [A photo I've had on my comp for ages and have never found time to post. Enjoy. I think it's from the free2b fashion show a few weeks back.]

Laguna Beach Season Three? Season One cast member Christina Schuller's parents are counting on Christina's little brother, Anthony to be cast, so they can further spread the word of God through him and MTV. That's a lot of responsibility for a sixteen or seventeen year old kid! Here's what their mom Donna told the Los Angeles Times: "You can look at MTV as an adversary or an opportunity for getting the word out as to whatever your agenda is ... Our ministry is an outreach ministry. We pay millions to get the message out. They came to our church and filmed. Many people who never saw a church get to see a church over and over." And according to this article, the Schullers only moved to South Laguna three years ago, which means ... I'm not sure what, but maybe that -- like Kristin Cavallari and Morgan Olsen -- she's a "newbie"? Unless she was living in NORTH Laguna all that time ...



Some recent Laguna photos to amuse you. The two Alexes party it up in Los Angeles ... to unfortunately placed cameras! Can you say "Bad camera angle?" Looks like Kristin was right. Alex H. did gain the Freshman 15. [Photos courtesy of blinkofaniproductions.com]

We know that Lindsay Lohan has signed up for an independent film role with Jared Leto, but now she's signed up to play Brigid Berlin in Factory Girl. (YES! The same film Sienna Miller left and came back to after her split with Jude. And, yes, as a side note, they are supposedly back ON.) Brigid Berlin was a big-boned "overweight troublemaker," which means Lohan will probably have to pile on the pounds again. Or maybe this is the reason why she's been so willing to gain some of her weight back? According to sources, Lohan beat out Mary-Kate Olsen for the role. But, c'mon. MK, big-boned? Never.

Getting all caught up.

I'm going to sum up all of the latest juicy news in this entry, so bear with me.

Let's start off by commenting on Laguna Beach. I think Talan Torriero lost about a third of his fans following this past Monday's episode. What do you think? Jason, Jessica and Jeff laughing their asses off at him didn't help either. Too bad. That pretty face had so much potential ...

I've been doing a bit of thinking about Season Three. Screw Kristin and Stephen. All we really need is J. Wahl and some booze. Throw in a little Jessica Smith or Lauren Conrad and things could get pretty. But, really, any female would do.

Rumor has it that Laguna's Kristin Cavallari has broken it off with Brody Jenner and is with Aaron Carter. What do I think? I think Kristin's smarter than that. [P.S. The photo to the left is of Aaron Carter, not Nick Carter.]

... so the uber-disgusting Bai Ling told the Apple Daily (that really helps with the rumor's credibility) that she's so in love with Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys that she's ready to marry him -- and so's he, apparently. She said "the couple was ready to wed any time." Well, so am I. And sadly enough, I think he's just as aware of my willingness to marry him as he is of Bai Ling's.

Lindsay Lohan and Jared Leto, according to NY's Daily News, have made their coupledom official. They showed up at Bungalow 8 to celebrate her video's rise to number one on TRL.

The Daily Star is reporting that a split is looming on the horizon for Britney Spears and K. Fed. She's supposedly already contacted her lawyer and kicked Mr. Britney Spears out, while Kevin "has been furious with Britney for her phone calls to ... Justin Timberlake." However, it seems that Britney is intent on making the relationship work (so she doesn't become the next J. Lo?) and looking at this as a trial separation.

Hilary Duff is set to play the scary freaky girl in Poltergeist, all grown up, in the new movie Poltergeist: Kayeri. Didn't the actress who played her in the first three movies -- Heather O'Rourke -- die suddenly? Does Hilary really want to venture into the cursed horror series? Well ... it's not she doesn't look like she's about to teeter off and crumble into a mass of ashes any day now, anyway. [Photo courtesy of celebweb.org]

Kirsten Dunst and Jake Gyllenhaal's status du jour? Off.

Paris Hilton is set to play Zsa Zsa Gabor in a biopic. It's been said that Gabor's social life preceeded her acting career. Incidentally, Gabor married into the Hilton clan when she married Conrad Hilton, Paris' great-grandfather. Another great stretch of the acting muscle for Ms. Hilton. Woo-hoo.

Anyone interested in seeing a drunk Ashlee Simpson trying to get what she wants at a Toronto McDonald's? Click here.

Who's the Blondest of Them All?

Looking for the latest Laguna Beach gossip? Click here. Dude, I should totally make Laguna its own section ...

I'm heading out of the city today, then out of the country for a few days after that, so updates will be nonexistent for the next week or so. Hopefully all the Laguna goodness will hold you up.

I've managed to pull together a few findings, though:

The National Ledger is reporting that Liz Smith (of Page Six) heard that the photos of Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn at it in Chicago were a set up. Smith says, "It was 'time' for the story to break, but naturally, neither star wants to actually say the words 'Sure, we're fooling around.'"

Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys recently proclaimed his desire to meet/be with/what have you Sarah Harding of the British girl group Girls Aloud. He told The Mirror that "[t]he blonde one is hot. I've seen their photos and the whole band's pretty hot. We definitely wouldn't mind meeting them ... I think Sarah's my ideal woman."

Ideal woman as in ideal ... man? She has the most masculine face of the five, although I guess it speaks loads to be the blondest and most sexed-up one. Why, why, why do girly-looking men always go for manly-looking girls?! If Jessica Simpson and Sienna Miller were to spawn a sexually altered daughter, I think that's what it would look like. Sarah Harding. The Blonde One.

As the end of October draws near, it's time to face the music and realize that ... yes, it's NaNoWriMo time! NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month, which basically means a bunch of crazy people will be chugging coffee non-stop for all of November in an attempt to write a coherent novel of 50,000 words by November 30th. If you'd like to participate, go to NaNoWriMo.org and sign up today -- writing begins at the stroke of midnight on November 1st.

Time to pack The Laptop away ... have a great week!

Lots of Love

This is a collection of fodder from the past couple of days, while I was filling you kids up with Laguna talk (if you're looking for that, click here), so some of this news may be a little less than fresh. With that, we forge onwards in the sea of celebrity gossip ...

Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams -- grocery shopping! I'm sure you've seen the pictures, and I'm sure you've heard the news. But I couldn't resist, they are so cute together. I'd want to kill any other girl, but she's Rachel McAdams. You can't kill her ... [Photo courtesy of Splash News]

Laguna Beach fans, you're in luck -- Talan Torriero, who is currently working on an album, is said to be debuting his single "Dead in Hollywood" in next Monday's episode! Alex Murrel should also be singing, as the episode will document what exactly went on at the Laguna Beach landslide benefit in Laguna Beach last August. Laguna Beach: Life Inside The Bubble will hit bookshelves November 15th, and a Laguna Beach soundtrack is rumored to be dropped sometime next month as well.

I don't know whether this has been known or not, but this is news to me (and I'm hoping it's news to you!): the reason Paris Hilton shut Nicole Richie out of her life -- until now -- is because Richie played One Night in Paris at a party she threw in January, according to Entertainment Wise. Hilton was also recently hit with a $10 million lawsuit -- an aspiring actress/model/film producer (and Paris Latsis' ex-girlfriend) named Zeta (!) Graff claims that Hilton spread vicious lies about her "to be published in the New York Post". The two had a run-in in late June at London nightclub Kabaret, where Graff reportedly "tried to snatch a $4 million diamond necklace off Hilton's neck, and had to be physically restrained by security guards before she was booted out of the club. An unnamed source is quoted as saying she witnessed Graff screaming and trying to strangle Hilton." But Graff is singing a different tune -- she says that "it was Hilton who tapped her on the shoulder and whispered in her ear, 'You're a f---ing bitch. I'm going to destroy you,'". Graff, ever the optimist (in her mid-30s), is suing Hilton because the story in New York Post has besmirched her reputation and good name. [Paris Hilton and Stavros Niarchos photo courtesy of Just-Jared.com]

Sad as Paris Hilton is, I think this Zeta Graff is sadder. Honey, you ain't ever gonna make it if you haven't by now. Especially with the name Zeta! Stop trying to make a quick buck off of news no one remembers anymore ...

And Paris' debut album is rumored to have a release date in late January. "Turn It Up" is her first single, said to be released sometime next week -- at least it will be in the UK! Hilton tells MTV UK: "I wanted to create an album that actually gave messages to my fans ... whilst keeping a certain groove and upbeat feel all the way through." Except I don't think Paris actually used the word "whilst." 'Cause that would've been cool. Find the tracklisting here.

Nicole Richie is instead planning to follow in Britney, Paris, and MKA's (among others') footsteps and launch a perfume of her own! She's still sniffing around for original scents (we hear she's thinking about lavender and ginger notes), but she already has a name in mind -- Different.

Laguna time!

Here it is ... this is by far my longest post ever. So much juicy gossip!



Okay, the -- arguably -- juiciest bit first. Here's what really went down with Jason Wahler and why he couldn't walk at graduation (or was kicked out of school). From the Laguna Beach Police blotter:
Sunday, April 10 [2005]:
Forest Ave & Beach St – 1:33AM 647F
Officers responded to a disturbance called in by a taxi driver. On
scene, Jason Daniel Wahler, 18 of Laguna Beach was arrested for
public intoxication.

The season two cast dishes on one another in this week's People magazine.

Stephen and Kristin/L.C.
"Kristin flipped out when the show started airing [because of what was going on with LC]," Stephen revealed. "She locked herself in rooms and wouldn't talk to me."
Maxine says: Stephen - 0, Kristin - 1. Whatever she was doing inside those rooms was right, because she came out smelling like a rose.

Jessica and Jason
Jason says, looking back on his relationship with Jessica, "She was kind of psycho ... possessive and always calling." Jessica countered Jason's claims by saying, "I came across as a very naive, stupid, whiny crybaby -- I'm not like that. I can hold my own ... I don't even talk to him anymore. I don't have any interest in talking to him either."
Maxine says: Jessica - 1, Jason - 0. Good for Jessica. As Kristin The Sage Cavallari once said, "You shouldn't be talking to Jason. All he does is hurt you."

Jason and L.C.
"He has a great personality -- he just gets shy in front of the camera," Lauren told People. But she goes onto say, "All of my boyfriends are trouble."
Maxine says: Jason - 1, Lauren - 0. J. Wahl gets the girl ... yet again.

Kristin and Taylor
"They've just never gotten along," Talan said about the mini-feud the two always seemed to be having. "There's really no reason."
Maxine says: Kristin - 0, Taylor - 1. But what about Episode 1, Season 1, Kristin? You told Stephen that Taylor said that she'd seen Lauren's car in his driveway!

People goes on to report on where the kids are now. Seems like everyone except for Jessica has moved to Los Angeles to pursue their career. Jason's career is ... along the lines of Paris Hilton's: "We don't stop partying," he said. "The show has helped my dating -- times 30." Hmm ... by formally introducing him to Lauren? Jessica, cute little whiner that she is, said, "I'm the only one still here." K. Cav (Kristin) says, "I would love to have a career like Cameron Diaz's." While Stephen provides a little insight -- perhaps he is dating Trishelle: "I'm dating older people. Like, young 20s." Lauren, when asked about "a rumored style-themed show," failed to reveal anything. "I'm sworn to secrecy."

That's not it! An article in The Seattle Times gives voice to some of the lesser-known cast members.

Dieter Schmitz started up Running Home 4 Teens because of his personal battle with depression after his breakup with Jessica!!!

Jason said that he loves Lauren. When asked to elaborate on why he never says anything substantial on the show (just grumbling noises, right?), he said, "It was just the situations they put me in. They [MTV] set you up and they'll be like, 'Listen, you're going to go to this place and talk about this.' It makes me really uncomfortable." Honey. That's why they pay you. He reveals that the breakup scene with Jessica was a reenactment -- not that we couldn't tell: "I broke up with Jessica three or four weeks before that ... I wasn't going to call her and break up with her on camera for real." Duh. I mean, Jessica would've been on the floor crying if it had been real. Props to Jessica for forming those precious tears, though, and to Kristin for acting the part of the Sympathetic Friend.

Alex Murrel revealed that "Jason's like the guy who you get a little buzz on and then you kiss him. I'm telling you, everyone has kissed Jason." Even Kristin? Even Kristin: "I've kissed him! But that's it."

A Dieter and Jessica reunion? They looked pretty cozy at Knott's Berry Farm recently ... "She comes up [to Los Angeles] and I've been going back to Laguna a lot," said Dieter. "I love the girl and I'll always love her. She knows that." He added that he didn't know about them getting back together, but hey -- maybe he's supposed to keep mum about it and save it for Season Three. Just don't have a depression relapse 'cause of her, k, Dieter?

Alex Hooser and Alex Murrel are moving in together -- probably because Kristin and Brody Jenner have gotten together. But don't think Alex H. hasn't scored herself a man -- Alex M. set her up with one of the guys in her band! Alex M. also revealed that "MTV kind of forced me to be friends with [Casey]." Ooh, bring on further speculation that Casey was a hired actress MTV implanted into Laguna that went horribly wrong!

Jason, Stephen and Dieter are roommates. Both J. Wahl and Stephen are taking acting classes while Dieter's an intern at a talent agency.

Kristin has a small role in an upcoming Al Pacino movie called 88 Minutes -- she didn't have to audition, but she doesn't know what the part is yet.

And the best for last ... Stephen is single and ready to mingle! He's looking for "someone who is mature, has a good personality, loves to have fun and 'can keep up.'"

Talan's keeping himself on the d-l, isn't he?

Despite what I may or may not have told you, the season finale airs on November 14th.

[Photo credits: Season Two cast photo, MTV.com; Dieter and Jessica photo, WireImage; Alex and Alex photo, laguna4life on The Real OC Proboard; Stephen photo, Pink is The New Blog; other photos, No Idea. If you want credit for your photos, leave me a comment and I will gladly give it to you!]

Seems like everyone we know is breakin' up ....

According to In Touch, Chad Michael Murray wants Sophia Bush back. Their source says, "Working together nearly everyday has actually made the breakup harder for Chad, since now he realizes what he's lost." He's been showering her with flowers and gifts. Men. They never know what they've got till it's gone.

Nicole Richie has called off her wedding, says NineMSN, and it's not the first time. Following in the footsteps of the cancellation in July [which was said to be because of bickering between Nicole and fiance DJ AM (Adam Goldstein)], the reason now is because Nicole's dress is too big! She chose her "perfect wedding dress" in February, but has since shed enough pounds for it to cause a significant problem in the scheme of things. “Nicole’s ideas for the wedding were getting more and more grand and the guest list was in the high hundreds, whereas Adam’s plan was to keep it simple,” said the source. “They kept bickering about it, then it all came to a head when Nicole started talking about flowers and Adam wondered if they even needed any. Nicole stormed out and said the wedding was off.” [Photo courtesy of lime-light.org]

Hmm. Apparently *N Sync's "Greatest Hits" album is due out tomorrow. I had no idea, and that makes me want to laugh.

Mandy Moore and Zach Braff were photographed today in Los Angeles. Together. Still no word on whether the rumors about Rachel Bilson and Braff are true, though it seems that Moore doesn't believe them. [Photo courtesy of Matrix]

Kimberly Stewart and Ryan Cabrera have been spotted all over Los Angeles, making out like sloppy dogs. Cabrera seems to have a penchant for blonde daughter-to-rock-legends. He was linked with one of the Richards sisters (I believe it was Theodora) earlier on. And if Big Papa Joe Simpson had any say, I'm sure he would've been a rock legend by now too.

Ashlee Simpson says that her inspiration for the song "Eyes Wide Open" on her new album I Am Me was a ghost whose presence she felt at the house her parents leased to her: "I swore there was a ghost in the house. I know it sounds a little crazy but my mom thought there was one too. We kind of made a joke of it and called her Shelly but I was really scared ... It didn't feel like something mean, I just felt like there was something in my house."

HUGE GOSSIPY Laguna Beach update tomorrow!!! There's tons of juicy gossip ...

They're Just Like Us!

This has got to be the greatest photo ever. Well, not really, but it's highly amusing:



It's Mr. Britney Spears II (Kevin Federline)'s ex-wife Shar Jackson and Britney Spears' ex-husband (Jason Allen Alexander) from Wednesday at the Jamie/Maddie Jeans fashion show in Los Angeles. Chances are they met at Mr. and Mrs. Spears' wedding and became fast friends. But do you think Shar was even invited? I'm sure it's just a friendly photo, but ... wasn't she seeing Quentin Tarantino? [Photo courtesy of AOL]

The Rock revealed in a recent interview with WWE.com that Mandy Moore plays his wife in the upcoming film Southland Tales, and Sarah Michelle Gellar plays his girlfriend. Hmm ...

I've been meaning to report this for some time now, but better gossip has gotten in the way. Lindsay Lohan's being a drama queen again. In the latest issue of some teenybopper magazine (sorry for my lack of professionalism here), she says the reason she was so thin was because, "I was very rebellious and going through that phase that everyone goes through. When I got out, I was really thin. I lost like 20 to 25 pounds. I was on IV drips. I nearly died!" What rebellious phase that everyone goes through? Anorexia nervosa? And if I recall correctly (and I know I do, at least in this case), you said, upon leaving the hospital, that you'd lost 15 pounds. What's going on there, Lohan?

I have NO idea how I found this, but LiveJournal user xcdrummerchic who, presumably, attends Emerson College in Boston, MA hinted that Kristin Cavallari of Laguna Beach is going to be transferring there in the coming semester. Okay, what's up with all these random transfer stories? It's kind of like The Facebook -- a free-for-all. Yep, and Kristin's currently attending Iowa State. Right.

I've forgotten to report that there are only two episodes remaining in this season of Laguna Beach. The season will come to a prompt end on November 7th, and guess what? Stephen Colletti will not be returning for a third season. Kristin of E! spoke to him at the T-Mobile Sidekick 2 party this past week, and asked him whether he and Paris Hilton ever had a fling. He responded quite strongly (obviously, he hasn't been through interview-training yet): Stephen's jaw literally fell open, and he looked as if he might fall backward. After a five second pause (I counted), he repeated the word no seven times (I'm no math major, but I also counted that), and then said, "No, she's cool. We're friends." So get him while he's hot (and still accessible by way of television), girls! (And guys who may fancy him.)

Mischa Barton, according to Digital Spy, has apologized to her fellow cast mates about having asked for a raise. A friend told the Daily Star that "Mischa is really embarrassed because the claims have been wildly exaggerated ... so she's been making amends by home baking and hand delivering."

Lastly, Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn went and met his parents! I guess it's official, huh? Stars are just like us! They follow old-fashioned rules of courtship!

Baby Talk

Seems like the rumors about Zach Braff and Rachel Bilson goin' at it may have some truth to them. A very dirty blog by the name of "Drunken Stepfather" posted some personal photos of kids hanging out at a club or bar with the "couple." They both look a little ... out of it.

Britney Spears has decided against selling those photos I posted earlier (which I'm going to promptly take down now, before I get sued). She claims that they were stolen from the photo shoot (which would explain why they were so small) and that she's decided that it's better to protect Baby Federline's identity. We all know that it's because the photos have been leaked and she wants the moolah for them.

Speaking of baby photos, here's one of Heidi Klum, Seal with daughter Leni and newborn baby son Henry! Isn't it precious? [Photo courtesy of ivymiller on JJB]

Prince William will be joining the army next year as an officer cadet at Sandhurst military academy, reports Reuters. For now, though, he's be joining the bloody annoying HSBC bank for some work experience. "As second in line to the throne," writes Reuters, "William has the prospect of eventually becoming Commander in Chief of Britain's armed forces -- the role traditionally occupied by the monarch." Poor Harry -- he doesn't get to do anything ...

Random photos of Talan Torriero of Laguna Beach (I think it can go without saying now, really) hanging with his buddies Ryan Cabrera, Nick Cannon and ... WHOA the hottie from One Tree Hill! What's his name, Mike Copon?
Dude, I didn't want to say it before because I didn't think Stephen was really worth it, but ... can I be your friend?

If only things were the way they were again ...

Lindsay Lohan's back to black! Well, not really. But her hair is a nice dark brown. It doesn't quite suit her, but that's what I said when she dyed it blonde ... [Photo courtesy of celebweb.org]

MTV.com spoke to Laguna Beach's Kristin Cavallari at the Rock & Republic fashion show in Los Angeles on Wednesday night about her plans post-Laguna Beach: "I like both comedy and drama, so we'll see ... I've had a lot of meetings trying to decide my next career move. There's things we're talking aobut, but I don't want to jinx it." Dammit, why can't MTV even get the name of their newest star right!?

Attention whore Lou Pearlman, who founded such pop groups as Backstreet Boys and *N Sync is speaking out about Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey's marriage. He told Star magazine that the couple's recent trip to Italy was a "last-ditch attempt to save their marriage." He also added that Lachey told Jeff Timmons, formerly of boy band 98 Degrees and current client of Pearlman's, that "My marriage is shaky right now. I'm hoping this trip will turn things around. This trip could be a second honeymoon -- or preparation for a divorce. I don't know what's going to happen, and Jessica doesn't know what's going to happen, but we're going to give it our best shot." Might I add that both Nick and Jessica's reps are denying these claims?

[IMAGE REMOVED, out of fear.] Britney Spears posed for photos with baby Sean Preston Federline in People magazine. She looks pretty damn good for someone who looked like a flesh-colored Grimace (one of Ronald McDonald's friends). Baby's not lookin' too bad either -- yet. [Photo courtesy of Wikipedia]

Things are getting messy between Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton. In the newest Jane magazine, Richie reveals that "We really haven't been friends in probably about two years." When asked about a possible reconciliation, she said, "No, not at this point." Well, of course, this interview was done months ago, so ... still not sure what's going on between the two of them -- alTHOUGH ...

"Oh No They Didn't!" is reporting that Richie tried to prevent Hilton from entering LA nightclub LAX last Friday. Richie's fiance, DJ AM (aka Adam Goldstein), owns the club and she had the doormen tell Hilton that, "Nicole doesn't want you here." But with her sleazy and wily ways, Hilton managed to get in and began "pulling down beads ... and throwing them at Nicole." When she was good and drunk, she bitched at Nicole and basically accused her of leaking "that f*cking picture" and was promptly escorted out. But not before screaming, "Your movie sucks!" Nicole, probably less drunk and definitely more educated, said, "At least it's coming out!"

Not sure it's true, because it sounds too good to be true. We'll see -- in time -- if Season Four of The Simple Life ever comes around ... [Photo courtesy of "Oh No They Didn't!" who was unclear about where they got the picture. Forrest Nelson, maybe?]

The Blondes Strike Back!

Someone who knows someone who knows Taylor Cole from Laguna Beach is happily sharing all their secrets with the World Wide Web. He or she writes, on "Oh No They Didn't!" that both Cedric Channels (J. Wahl's sidekick and wearer of the pink briefs) and Taylor (and about fifteen percent of Laguna Beach High School graduates) go to the University of Arizona, and Talan Torriero went to visit and "never left, so he is trying to get in starting next semester. Also, Jason [Wahler] was never on the baseball team. Rosters from their high[]school apparently prove this ... and the biggie: Jason is in rehab for coke."

Take a deep breath. That was a lot.

Now that cool-down time's over, it's time to get dirty. First of all, I highly doubt that Talan's thinking of enrolling in school in Arizona. I mean, dude, is he going to build a makeshift recording studio in his apartment? How's he going to continue causing a ruckus with Lindsay Lohan? And Brittany Snow? How many girls is he balancing in his little black book right now, anyway? Secondly, Jason? Coke? Rehab? Nah. I mean, does he look like a cokehead to you, in his antique car? He's been seen all over the place with "hottie with a body" Lauren Conrad in the past couple of weeks. And plus, isn't he at that Catholic Aquinas school?

So ... Tara Reid said she's giving up alcohol.

And just when you thought the world was coming to an end, Paris Hilton saves the day with some worthless celebrity fodder. Apparently Tom Sizemore (of Saving Private Ryan) claims that he got some nookie with Hilton when the sound of "repeated clicks of a cigarette lighter" in his house after a party led him to the sex video star. He then suggested that the have sex. He also claims that she said, upon leaving his house the next morning, "Goin' to Sundance. See you next week." Bitch.

Of course she's saying that no such thing ever happened. And, this time, I actually believe her. I mean, he is trying to sell his sex tape, "The Tom Sizemore Sex Scandal." [Photos courtesy of celebweb.org and a very unfortunate girl named Kim Cohen.]

So the big question that everyone's been dying to know the answer to: why wasn't Ashton Kutcher's twin brother Michael invited to the Ashton-Demi wedding? Well, tells the boys' mother to Star magazine (a reputable source, I know): “We were determined to keep the wedding a secret and we though the best way to do that was keep Melissa [the wife of Ashton’s brother, Michael] out of the loop ...”. Meaning she has very, very loose lips. Mrs. Kutcher went on to say that it was “a favor to Ashton from a loving brother.” Aww.

And lastly, with everyone hatin' on Ashlee Simpson (even going as far as calling her album "I Am Dreadful"), she seems to be taking things in stride. TeenHollywood.com says that she thinks people have been nicer to her ever since she dyed her hair back to its natural color: "People are nicer to me. They smile at me as I walk down the street ... It's funny because with your hair colour you don't change as a person. But when you have that jet black hair people like think that you might be a little bit scarier. But I'm not scary at all!"
Or maybe they just want to befriend you so they'll be there when you need some comforting when everyone starts slamming your new album. Free drinks, anyone? [Photo courtesy of Clasos]

Co-stars revolt!

"Oh my God, we're back again ..." Yes, it's the return of the Lohan Twins. The I-Made-Lindsay-Who-She-Is-Todays -- Boobies, if you will. Looks like Lindsay Lohan has made a safe return to Healthydom. Glad to have you back. Now it's time to turn our attention to Hilary Duff, although her causes for weight-loss have less to do with food portions than ... oh, here's where I shut my mouth. I've already said too much. [Photo courtesy of celebweb.org]

The New York Post is reporting that Bam Margera has told Us Weekly that Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey have seriously -- no, seriously -- called it quits. Poor Nick is still denying all of the rumors. What else does he have without Jessica, though? [Photo courtesy of Just-Jared.com. Gotta love that pic.]

Another celebrity is speaking out about his co-star's marital status. Ray Winstone, who is currently filming Beowulf with Angelina Jolie, is saying (basically), "What!? You didn't know that Angelina and Brad Pitt were engaged!?" Hmm ...

Naughty, naughty co-stars.

And a pic I found of Jason Wahler and Lauren Conrad from Laguna Beach. I should've posted it earlier, before they aired the episode when the two got together. What a weird couple. What a mofo, with that weird car of his ...

Laguna Matata

Apparently Us Weekly is claiming that Laguna Beach's Stephen Colletti and the infamous Trishelle (Cannatella) of The Real World HAVE hooked up. I really don't want to know all the gruesome details and would prefer not to think of pure little Stephen that way. But it's out there ... all of Trishelle's germs and STDs. As the once-wise Stephen has said, "Just wear a jimmy. Maybe even two."

Here's a lovely photo of Stephen hitting up the beer bong from this past weekend in New York City (although I heard that he was spotted in Long Island. What the hell is he doing out there!?). Credit goes to the girl who got to meet him in his fortunate condition, who posted this on her MySpace.

Speaking of MySpace, I'm not one who condones the sharing of stalking products, but someone posted this on a Laguna Beach forum and it's too funny to pass up. Alex Murrel left Alex Hooser a comment on her MySpace that reads:
alyhoooossyyy im sayin halooooosssyyyyy......"these are the dayss of our lives".....lets get blacked out tonight yeyaaaaa.....erik and his lil pizza haha....u me erik and chris are gonna go to disneyland haha thats gonna be funnyyyy timess......with lil erik....long e gong a cong yong spong hong e rong e spong cong o mong e spong!!!!!!!!!!!!
ps. Kong rong i song tong i non song u cong kong song spong..hahaha spong will one day rule the world!!

I don't think I should have to elaborate on that.

I also don't feel that I should have to report or elaborate on the Ebay listing of Lindsay Lohan's Mercedes Benz headlight from that awful crash she had over a week ago. It could be funny, but no one's bid on yet. At least not since I checked ...

I happened to walk by the television last night, and Charlotte Church was doing an interview on some station. Last time I heard her speak was when she was twelve or thirteen and promoting her first album. But now she's doing the rounds, promoting her pop-album "Tissues and Issues." Let me just tell you -- I would not get touch that girl with a ten-foot pole. Gawd. First of all, she looks awful. Like Hillary Clinton before the presidential years plus another twenty years. She kind of looked like an unstylish Anna Wintour, even. Especially with that hideous new bob of hers. Second of all, she seemed like a terribly nasty person. She gave off the "I'm rich, young and famous and I don't give a flying f*ck about you, can you fetch me a glass of wine, though?" Yeah. And check this out ... photos of her observing her boyfriend Gavin Henson getting his hair cut. If I were the hair cutter, I'd probably be trembling with fear. Okay. End of caring about Welsh celebrities.

Page Six is reporting some not-so-kind things about Kirsten Dunst. It's about time that she, like Aaron Carter, got herself some new friends. Page Six says: Some of Kirsten Dunst's pals are concerned about the talented actress. The blond pixie showed up to the premiere of her flick "Elizabethtown" last week "disheveled," said one spy. At the after-party at Providence, Dunst proceeded to "drink a lot and got very loud and obnoxious. She was very pushy." Sadly, we hear it's not an uncommon occurrence. Nah. Her friends are cool. It's these so-called "spies" who aren't.

And the last bit for today ... apparently, The N has posted photos from The Click Five visit on their site, The-N.com, and my face is plastered all over a certain flipbook. Good times. Just to clarify -- I'm not a fan. The N just felt bad that The Click Five had to perform for a bunch of mid-to-late twenty-year-olds who were waaaayyy out of their target age group. Clearly. [Photo courtesy of The-N.com, courtesy of Stu. My nose looks like it's been Photoshopped. Hmm ... but I like the eye-contact going on between Eric whatever-his-last-name-is ... Hill? Hobb? and I.]

Before They Were Stars: The Hair-y Edition

Okay, so I got my hands on a copy of Ryan Cabrera's pre-Ashlee Simpson, pre-Take It All Away (and probably pre-big hair) album, Elm Street. I'd like to know what the hell's happened to him since! I went out and purchased my copy of Take It All Away the day it came out and it was a decent album, but his newest album is crap! Honestly ... nothing's catchy and I don't believe a word he sings. He's settled far too comfortably into his "nice guy" image and is clearly telling the girls what he knows they want to hear. His Elm Street stuff sounds so much more real, raw and less-produced. (And so was his hair, I'll bet.) Resprout a backbone, Cabrera. And bring on the sax for another rendition of the jazz-infused "Spanish Song!" (I know ... wtf, right?)
[Photos courtesy of ryan-cabrera.com]

So rumors are flying that Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody may no longer be a couple ... it seems as it Bilson fell for co-star Zach Braff during the summer shoot for The Last Kiss. Not sure if this is true, but I'd be heartbroken if it were. BUT I have discovered the reason why he didn't have a prom date in high school!


(Very San Diego of him. At least he has an excuse for looking that way ...)




(Okay, I would've dated that ...)
[Photos courtesy of "Oh No They Didn't!"]

From "Oh No They Didn't!": Paris Hilton just got added to another celebrity's black-list. Kirsten Dunst left her table at LA nightclub Mood momentarily, only to return to find that Hilton had taken it over. Try as she might, Dunst couldn't get it back and had to move out of the packed VIP section altogether. Apparently, she was overheard muttering, "I hate that girl."

Laguna Beach. So I don't know how many of you know this, or how long it's BEEN known, but Talan Torriero is in the unsinkable Kaci Brown's music video for "Unbelievable." I really dislike that girl -- had to sit through two awful performances where she ran from one corner of the stage to another in her Uggs (in the middle of the summer, no less!), screaming "I'm soooooo excited!!!! Are YOU exciteddddddd!??????" and romping her head around. But anyway, you came here for Talan news, not Kaci Brown. Well, he is. If (God forbid), you go to Kaci's website, you'll be able to find a link to the video. He's the one in the black shirt for most of the video, although there's a guy in a blue shirt later on who seems Talan-esque. I'm not linking to her site. This is as far as I go to "promote" the girl.


But I am leaving you with a cute (as much as I can say that about him) photo of Talan at some event where he's fooling around with Chinese tea sets. I'm liking his new look. Very Ashlee Simpson of him to dye his hair dark. [Photo courtesy of Getty Images]