Bloomin' Babies

If “preggers” was the word on everyone’s mind in 2007’s Hollywood, “poppin’” might be the one in 2008. In the two weeks since we turned the page, two young pop icons have popped out two young’uns, and at least two others have announced that they are going to reproduce in the coming year.

Here’s my completely non-comprehensive list. Feel free to add on:

Birthed:
- Max Liron Bratman – Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman
- Harlow Winter Kate Madden – Nicole Richie and Joel Madden

Still floating in amniotic fluid:
- Baby Spears III - Jamie-Lynn Spears and Casey Aldridge or Creepy Old Executive
- Baby Anthony I and II – Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony
- Baby Upton III – Cate Blanchett and Andrew Upton
- Baby Aubry – Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry
- Baby Urban – Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban
- Baby McConaughey – Camila Alves and Matthew McConaughey

Rumors are circulating that Avril Lavigne is spawning, although she has slammed those down quicker than a flyswatter to a mosquito. But isn’t that how most pregnancy announcements start out?

Parents too embarrassed to acknowledge his/her existence:
- Baby Whibley - Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley
- Baby Jolie-Pitt CXII – Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt
- Baby Parker – Eva Longoria and Tony Parker
- Baby Duhamel – Stacy “Fergie” Ferguson and Josh Duhamel (oh God, please let this be true!)
- Baby Ghalib – Britney Spears and Adnan Ghalib
- Baby (Goliath) Martin III - Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin

Imagine all these kids (minus Baby Spears III) going to school together … and then spawning again, when they grow up to be high school sweethearts. Gene selection at its best – this time minus Max Bratman, Harlow Madden and Baby Whibley.

Announcements are usually made in the third or fourth month. This is January 16th. That gives Hollywood another five-and-a-half months to get knocked up in time for The Crossroads School’s Class of 2026. Jesus.