Gold-Leafed

The March issue of Domino magazine is green-themed. Which is all well and good, except for the fact that it’s done in a stiff, patronizing manner. Case in point: model-“activist” Lauren Bush’s mini-guide to traveling green.


[Photo courtesy of DominoMag.com]
9:00 a.m. Wake up. Start the coffeemaker with some fair-trade organic Cafe Femenino Peru, which is produced by Peruvian and Mexican women's cooperatives (groundsforchange.com). I'm catching a noon flight from New York to Houston, where I grew up. Time to pack. Fast.

First sign that she thinks she’s holier than thou – her flight, which is revealed a little later, is at noon. What ever happened to being there two hours beforehand?

9:05 a.m. Drag out vintage duffel bag from the thrift shop at Housing Works, a nonprofit that helps low-income and homeless people with HIV/ AIDS (housingworks.org).
Here “vintage” is an expensive euphemism for “used” in every sense of the word.

9:10 a.m. Lay out the basics— socks, undies and supersoft organic Loomstate T-shirts (loomstate.org). Move on to the toiletries. I always bring my chemicalfree Dr. Hauschka tinted day cream for a little post-travel color boost (drhauschka.com).

9:27 a.m. Take a break from packing to enjoy coffee and make myself two cage-free eggs over easy, with a little cheddar cheese on top.

9:51 a.m. Search for my iPod and petroleum-free lip balm (kissmyface.com) to throw in my carry-on FEED bag (see caption, below image). Time is running out, so I stop planning what to take and stuff the duffel with casual favorites, including a denim baby-doll dress from Linda Loudermilk (lindaloudermilk.com) and Maasai bracelets from a trip to Africa.

10:00 a.m. Phone rings—Ozocar is here. This genius car service uses exclusively hybrid vehicles. (ozocar.com) Grab an organic apple for a plane snack and hurry downstairs to the cobblestone streets of the West Village, where my apartment is. Although there's little green to be seen in NYC, urban living is inherently eco-friendly.

Yes – that is if you take public transportation or walk everywhere.

10:39 a.m. At the airport, breeze through check-in and hustle to security. Reluctantly send my Toms slip-ons down the belt (I forgot to wear socks—yuck) and walk barefoot through the metal detector. I'm a big fan of the Toms business model: For every pair you buy, the company gives another to a needy child (tomsshoes.com).

10:41 a.m. Stopped by a security guard who discovers my biodynamic calendula moisturizer (jurlique.com) and wants to toss it. Argue with her not to—I had clearly used more than half of the four-ounce tube! She won't budge so I relent, knowing my tiny jar of Tammy Fender Antioxidant Creme got through.

Aw, poor little rich girl. Just because you’re the President’s niece does not give you special rights to send a $67 tube of moisturizer through just because you were too lazy to pack in advance and think about security regulations.

11:41 a.m. Finally on board. Take out a used copy of The Kite Runner I bought at the Strand (strandbooks.com).

There’s also something called the library. Or Amazon.com, you pretentious biatch.

12:00 p.m. Up we go. Put on some of the Tammy Fender (tammyfender.com) and then doze off.

12:44 p.m. Wake in a panic. I neglected to offset my carbon emissions for the flight! Make mental note to do this later (carbonfund.org) and drift back to sleep.

Hmm, maybe we should offset all the wrong we have ever done by dropping a wad of cash, too? Some activism!

2:24 p.m. Reach into my bag for that apple. Aware of someone coughing a few rows back, I slip a vitamin-packed Airborne tablet into my water. Pull out journal (made of postconsumer paper, naturally) and sketch out clothing concepts. I studied fashion and I love to play around with eco fabrics like bamboo and hemp-silk. I designed my outfit (above) for an Earth Pledge benefit (earthpledge.org).

2:56 p.m. Pilot announces descent. Apply lip balm.

What, no unabashed plug for Lizard Lips or Kiss My Face? Guess a fledging eco-friendly brand couldn’t afford you, Miss Laura Bush, or Domino magazine.

3:23 p.m. Land. My dad picks me up in his Toyota Camry Hybrid, which gets a solid 30 mpg (toyota.com).

6:42 p.m. Dinner with family and friends at our favorite Mexican joint, Molina's. Being one of the rare Texan vegetarians, I opt for veggie tacos. At age 4, I realized that meat came from animals and have not been able to eat it since.
So pretentious I’m not even sure what to say.

8:30 p.m. Return home in a food coma and veg (ha-ha).

10:57 p.m. Crawl in bed, review the day ahead and plan tomorrow's outfit. Decide on my super-easy-to-wear John Patrick Organic cashmere slip dress (johnpatrickorganic.com). Night-night.

Because, clearly, in a world where children are dying of HIV/AIDS and rainforests are being deforested, her outfit is of the utmost importance.

I’m no tree-hugger, but could Lauren Bush be any more self-righteous? How much is Domino paying her for all this? Or maybe they’re giving her these “eco-friendly” beauty products in exchange for her services. Also, a shoe that benefits needy children does not a green shoe make. Get it straight, bitches!