They Tried to Make Me Go To Rehab and I Said "Yes, yes, yes!"

Okay, so the UCLA "Psychiatric Ward" isn't technically rehab. But it's seen its share of starts: not only did Ms. Britney end up there in the wee hours of the morning, but it turns out Grey's Anatomy's Justin Chambers checked himself in there on Monday and was released on Wednesday, for "exhaustion".

Is there anything else to say on this matter? I can't think of this as funny in the least ... she's obviously in over her head and it's sad rather than remotely funny. It was funny when she first started dating KFed, because we didn't think she'd actually go this far. It was funny when she got knocked up almost immediately after having Sean Preston, because we thought she still had hope. There's no fun in speculating what might happen now, because it probably will. But I don't know what's worse for Britney Spears: everyone watching her or no one caring about her decline anymore.

I think the real funny news of the day is that The Hills' Lauren Conrad (drunkenly) nearly let her girls run amuck when she celebrated her 22nd birthday last night in Los Angeles:


[Photo courtesy of Wenn]
It's a good thing she's not working at Teen Vogue anymore. Lisa Love can't call her out on soiling the mag's preppy-bohemian reputation.

The State of our Union

[Photo courtesy of MIT's Steer Roast]

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve never been one to follow the news. Not “hard news”, anyhow. But something about this presidential race, paired with the ever-declining state of the American economy, is doing it for me. Let’s devote a short minute or two to “hard news”, shall we?

Presidential Candidates Dropping Like Flies
Democrat John Edwards came full circle today, announcing from New Orleans that he was dropping out of the presidential race – the same city from which he first announced, back in January 2006, his intentions to run for president.

Let’s face it – he certainly has – no one ever really paid him half a mind. The highlight of his campaign, in my opinion, was his support of Obama in Obama vs. Clinton and Clinton, round two: the Martin Luther King, Jr. battle. Even then, I thought he was only acting with leechlike intentions and trying to come out of the battle unscathed (which he did) and smelling like a rose.

I’m not sure if this was a smart move on his part. As the Obama-Clinton (and Clinton) mud-slinging continues, he could’ve had half (of half) a chance. Roll your pants up, everyone, now that Edwards is out of the way, it’s gonna turn into a full-on mud-wrestling tournament.

And good ole Rudy ... really, we don’t need to comment on that because we all learned in kindergarten not to put all our eggs in one basket.

The American Economy is Doomed! (And We’re Taking Everyone Down With Us)
The Federal Reserve lowered short-term interest rates for the second time in just over a week! The Fed lowered the rate by three-quarters of a point on January 22nd, and by half a point today. The New York Times uses September 11, 2001 as a comparison point: even then, the rate was only lowered by a half-point.

Like I said, I’m no news buff and am certainly not versed in economics or finance, so I can’t tell you exactly what this all means. But I can tell you that words like “recession” and “screwed” come to mind.

Mini Sneak-Peek

At long last, a little trickle of a visual aid has escaped Target's grasp and we are awarded with a glimpse of the upcoming (yet unannounced) Jovovich-Hawk for Target line:


[Photo courtesy of Sally Jane Vintage]

I'm really not feeling the top, but the shorts are cute. I'm hoping the entire line won't be marred by busy floral prints and will stick closer to the neutrals or muted prints Jovovich-Hawk has done in the past. But only time will tell. If rumors have any truth to them, Target will likely unveil the "mystery designers" on its site this Friday, with the opening of the Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week in New York City.


[Photo courtesy of marcjacobs.com]

Also in commemoration of Fashion Week are a few new "Special Items" over at Marc by Marc Jacobs. Along the same vein as last year's self-aware "Jacobs by Marc Jacobs" tote bag is this year's "Fashion Week Promotional Bag" which cleverly says on the flip-side, "Free With Purchase of Expensive Handbag". Go get 'em while they're hot at your local Marc by Marc Jacobs store for $17.

Celebrities Gone Desperate

Let's start off with someone who shouldn't even be considered a celebrity: Riley Giles. Or Giley Riles. Let's just call him LL: The Cirque Conquest. After selling his story about how ravishing Lohan is in bed, he has "revealed" now on his MySpace that it was all a plan he and fiance Bree Tierney had created to rake in the cash:
Bree & I then faked a breakup, putting the blame on linds so bree could sell her $tory. Only did i know that things would get so serious with us. our trips to la and ny were lame, she wanted the attention & drugs, and everything that put her in cirque ... I then had some pics/videos im sure that would sell, what was i to do with them? The money i got off that, i bought my beautiful fiance a new, REAL ring.

He sounds like an idiot, but I really don't like Lindsay. It's a win-win for one Mr. Giles, anyhow. That is -- if he can escape the wrath of the Lohan and her ever-evanescing posse.

Wait, WHAT!? I thought Adrian Grenier needed a smack upside his head when he started hanging out with Paris Hilton. But now I hear that The L Word's androgynous hottie Katherine Moennig has been seen out with the socialite. And apparently this isn't news -- it's just being brought up in light of Paris and Brittny Gastineau's parade around town.

Turns out that Paris and Brittny were spotted at several LA lesbian hot spot, and Paris was spotted on yet another occasion with Lindsay Lohan's alleged live-in lesbian lover (number two) Courtenay Semel.

Either Paris is getting really desperate for attention or she's already clawed her way through the men of Hollywood and is starting on the women.

[Photo courtesy of Wenn.com]

Cheap Eats in NYC

Still recovering from the financial setbacks of a college education, I’ve spent the past four months dipping into the great pool of cheap eats in New York City. Here are the five best I’ve happened upon thus far:

5. Alice’s Tea Cup
Click here for locations
I was hesitant to try this place at first, after having read that Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen cited it as one of their NYC haunts (alongside the mostly deplorable Serendipity 3). But a craving for some esoteric tea and true British scones could not be sated, and I was formally introduced to Alice’s incomparable pumpkin scones. For $9, a pot of tea (3-4 cups) and two rich scones are yours. Sounds like a good meal to me, anytime.

There are now three locations in New York City, but my favorite is the East Side location.

4. Dallas BBQ
Click here for locations
This might sound like a joke, but I’m serious. The fries are great, the ribs are as good they come, and the drinks are HUGE. Come hungry, leave tipsy!

3. Mitali
334 E 6th Street, between 1st and 2nd Avenue

The décor’s a little off, but this place offers the best Indian I’ve ever had. I highly recommend the Aloo Motor Gobi. And their alcoholic beverages come complete with corny, euphemistic names like “nectar” and “love”.

2. Cucina di Pesce
87 E 4th St, between 2nd and 3rd Avenue

This one’s a hidden gem. For a little over $20, you can have yourself an intimate and romantic three-course meal. Try everything, including going in the summertime when you can sit outside and people-watch.

1. Café Gitane
242 Mott Street, between Prince and Houston

Okay, so I obviously missed out on the days it was the place hipsters flocked to, but I’m kind of glad. This French-Moroccan place has an amazing couscous platter and chicken sandwich. I can’t imagine that anything here would be anything but heavenly. Apparently Gisele Bundchen still pops in every once in a while, and it still draws a steady stream of models and artsy clientele. If you find beautiful women to be a turnoff, don’t let them stop you — for once, those hipsters got it right.

Bloomin' Babies

If “preggers” was the word on everyone’s mind in 2007’s Hollywood, “poppin’” might be the one in 2008. In the two weeks since we turned the page, two young pop icons have popped out two young’uns, and at least two others have announced that they are going to reproduce in the coming year.

Here’s my completely non-comprehensive list. Feel free to add on:

Birthed:
- Max Liron Bratman – Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman
- Harlow Winter Kate Madden – Nicole Richie and Joel Madden

Still floating in amniotic fluid:
- Baby Spears III - Jamie-Lynn Spears and Casey Aldridge or Creepy Old Executive
- Baby Anthony I and II – Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony
- Baby Upton III – Cate Blanchett and Andrew Upton
- Baby Aubry – Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry
- Baby Urban – Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban
- Baby McConaughey – Camila Alves and Matthew McConaughey

Rumors are circulating that Avril Lavigne is spawning, although she has slammed those down quicker than a flyswatter to a mosquito. But isn’t that how most pregnancy announcements start out?

Parents too embarrassed to acknowledge his/her existence:
- Baby Whibley - Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley
- Baby Jolie-Pitt CXII – Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt
- Baby Parker – Eva Longoria and Tony Parker
- Baby Duhamel – Stacy “Fergie” Ferguson and Josh Duhamel (oh God, please let this be true!)
- Baby Ghalib – Britney Spears and Adnan Ghalib
- Baby (Goliath) Martin III - Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin

Imagine all these kids (minus Baby Spears III) going to school together … and then spawning again, when they grow up to be high school sweethearts. Gene selection at its best – this time minus Max Bratman, Harlow Madden and Baby Whibley.

Announcements are usually made in the third or fourth month. This is January 16th. That gives Hollywood another five-and-a-half months to get knocked up in time for The Crossroads School’s Class of 2026. Jesus.

The Sorbitol Diet

On Friday, news spread about an article published in the past week’s “British Medical Journal” on sorbitol, the artificial sweetener. Sorbitol is the latest and greatest artificial sweetener found in gum, most notably Orbit and Eclipse. Apparently there have been two cases of excessive weight loss (following chronic diarrhea and abdominal pain, natch) in sugar-free gum chain-chewers.

A 21-year-old woman chewed a mere fifteen to eighteen sticks of the stuff a day before noticing its effects. The other, a 46-year-old man, was chewing 20 sticks a day. Their doctors found that as soon as they had stopped chewing the sorbitol-infested gum, symptoms subsided and normal weight was achieved.

Not to endorse or provoke it or anything, but anyone else think this is going to be the new underground diet fad? À la Mary-Kate Olsen’s supposed Starbucks (but really cocaine) diet?

Class of 2007, The Playlist

My posts have mostly been making me sound like I have a stick up my ass, so today’s entry is just lighthearted nonsense. Imeem.com has been publishing celebrities’ favorite songs of 2007. I’m no celebrity, but here are some songs that I think defined 2007:


[Photo courtesy of bethelwholesale.com]

10. “Umbrella”, Rihanna
Okay, no one actually likes this song but it’s become some sort of pop culture phenomenon, with everyone from Mandy Moore and Dashboard Confessional covering it. It even launched Marié Digby’s career. I still don’t know what the big deal is, but if any song were to win the Class of 2007 award, it’s actually my personal number ten, “Umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)”.

Superlative: Most likely to spawn a hike in umbrella-shaped earrings sales

9. “Give It To Me”, Timbaland ft. Justin Timberlake and Nelly Furtado
The Club Song. The Song Whose Name I Never Remember but The Song I Will Never Forget.

Superlative: Most likely to make petite Asian girls think they’ve got street cred.

8. “Say It Right”, Nelly Furtado
There’s no explaining this one. It’s just like the Backstreet Boys’ “I Want It That Way.” It makes little sense, but it’s addictive.

Superlative: Most likely to provoke girl-on-girl dancing. Or maybe it’s just because I went to a women’s college.

7. “This Is Why I’m Hot”, MIMS
No one can deny the brilliance of this song and the ingenuity of its lyrics: “I’m hot ‘cause I’m fly, you ain’t ‘cause you not. This is why, this is why, this is why I’m hot.”

Superlative: Sexiest opening bars, if you can call that pulsing beat music.

6. “Don’t Matter”, Akon
Romantic, yes, but secretly the most LGBT-sympathetic song of the year. I mean … “how much of a queen you are to me”? Come on.

Superlative: Most difficult song to dance to at the club when flyin’ solo

5. “Here In Your Arms”, Hellogoodbye
For the head-bopping, arm-raising white boy in all of us.

Superlative: Most WASPy song lyric (“Hello, I miss you quite terribly”)

4. “The Sweet Escape”, Gwen Stefani ft. Akon
It took me two months of dancing to this two times a week to figure out what she was saying about the refrigerator. And when I did, it was euphoric.

Superlative: Most likely to prompt ridiculous dancing. And possibly a “Sweet Escape” Dance.

3. “Buy U A Drank”, T-Pain
Nothing screams early summer angst like the oohing and aahing of T-Pain.

Superlative: Best song to proclaim love of a member of the same sex to. Because you’d get bitch slapped any other way.

2. “Glamorous”, Fergie
Any song that introduces ghetto vocabulary into the American mainstream while still teaching me how to spell and telling me to get my “broke ass home” is awesome in my book.

Superlative: Most likely to provoke intellectual conversation and debate over whether she’s saying “flossy flossy” or “flouncy flouncy.” Apparently we were too preppy to understand.

1. “Cupid’s Chokehold”, Gym Class Heroes
If lyrics like “… she even cooks me pancakes and Alka Seltzer when my tummy aches” ain’t love, then I don’t know what love is.

Superlative: Best expression of vocal ability with use of the words “ba da da da”. I still can’t get the pitch right when I’m sober.

Final verdict: I spent a lot of time dancing with girls in the first half of 2007.

Arriving: Eventually

[Photo courtesy of jovovich-hawk.com, from their Spring 2008 Collection]

In an uncharacteristic turn, Target’s Go International is keeping mum about its next designer, who fashion aficionados know – and have known for upwards of four months – to be the design team Jovovich-Hawk. In the past year or so, Target has lined its designers back-to-back, with arrivals and departures within days of one another. Erin Fetherstone’s disappointing collection departed on January 5th, and still, there has been no official word or press release from Target, never mind the sneak peeks of outfits.

Word has it that Target wants to make the Jovovich-Hawk debut at New York’s Olympus Fashion Week in early February.

Jovovich has said, “Our Target line will have all our classic pieces: smock dresses, tunics, minis, all vintage-inspired, great prints. We took the things that sold the best for us but we’re doing it on a bigger scale.”

Whatever the reason, throw the dog a damn bone already! Or could it be that Target’s bottomless well of designers is beginning to run dry?

The Jovovich-Hawk line is set to “arrive” at Target stores nationwide on March 2nd.

Hallelujah!

I go out for three hours only to come back to find that ...

Ahhhhhh ... holy beam of light upon us,

Britney is divorcing KFed's nasty arse.

This announcement is well on its way to setting records over at LiveJournal's "Oh No They Didn't!" At press time, the announcement drew 87 -- count 'em -- 87 pages of comments. 4,569 individual comments.

And at press time, all entries on Popdirt.com's front page focus on Britney and Kevin.

This is rather mind-blowing. Let's make a list of other events that would make the top five Blow Your Mind moments in which you would find me jete-ing across my 7'X7' bedroom:

5. Aaron Carter heads to rehab for crystal meth abuse and/or comes out of the closet.

4. Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey declare that their separation/divorce was a publicity stunt and get back together.

3. Paris Hilton suffers major injuries in a drunk-driving incident and becomes paralyzed/loses a limb and requires major plastic surgery.

2. Lindsay Lohan dies of an STD/exhaustion/eating disorder.

1. Katie Holmes leaves Tom Cruise and reveals that baby Suri is an actress the couple hired.

My two favorite people.

My new favorite picture. Ever.


[Photo courtesy of ONTD]

WTF?

Brody Jenner's apparently got a thing for the girls of reality TV -- specifically blondes from "Laguna Beach."

The "Prince of Malibu" was spotted heading into Shag last night with none other than Lauren Conrad, the well-known arch-enemy of his ex-girlfriend Kristin Cavallari. While TMZ could not confirm any romantic connection between the two, hanging out with your ex's enemy in public is still a pretty bold move. Also along for the evening was LC's "The Hills" co-star Heidi Montag.

A TMZ spy claims that Jenner was also spotted inside a nearby bar "getting close to a mysterious dirty blonde, wavy-haired girl." It's been recently reported that Brody is dating Nicole Richie, however, throughout the course of the two aforementioned incidents, Richie was nowhere in sight.

And a video!?

Another followup

This is just so wrong it's right. Page Six says:
Nick: How I Got Back at Paris

The former Backstreet Boy revealed his revenge tactic when he and his kid brother Aaron visited Page Six yesterday to promote their E! show, "House of Carters," on their way to an Us Weekly luncheon

"I'd fallen head over heels with this chick. Then, all of a sudden, three months go by and I got people telling me, 'Nick, you know what Paris is doing to you,' and I got a little upset," Carter related. "So then I just decided to fight back a little bit and started doing my own thing again. The result is I hooked up with Ashlee Simpson. When Paris came back from Australia, they talked to each other and she found out about it.

"So I brought it up to her and said, 'You know what I did, and now it's your turn. Why don't you tell me what you did.' And she goes, 'I never did anything! I never cheated on you.' I had kind of started to really like Ashlee and I was thinking about the dating stage, then, before you know it [bleep]ing bitch-face comes back."

Carter, 26, told us he has no regrets, but still has a bitter taste in his mouth about Hilton. "I got so burnt over that whole Paris [bleep] with all this swinging and switching. Whatever happened to morals and values?" asked Nick, who's now working on a highly anticipated Backstreet Boys reunion album: "We've done about half of it so far."

Meanwhile, Aaron, 19, who has a new album due in February, says his own shotgun engagement last year to Playboy Playmate Kari Ann Peniche, who'd previously dated Nick, failed because he just wasn't ready to settle down. "It was just a big mess. She was pretty upset, but I just realized I made a mistake," he said.

And it wasn't a cheap mistake. While he never got her an engagement ring, "I bought her earrings for $10,000," Aaron confided. "And I need to get 'em, back. I need to get 'em back!" Good luck with that.

As much as I adore Nick (and I just lost some of your respect, I know ... it's a loyalty thing), he really needs to stop ratting out all these long ago stories to sell his show. He's always kept things to himself and I feel like he's completely selling out by airing all his laundry now. Hopefully it's just Paris and him wanting to lash out at her in the media now that she has lost her credibility (not that she ever really had any) in the public eye. But still, Nick, there are more mature ways.

More on Nick and Aaron Carter.

[Photo courtesy of eonline.com]
Did anyone see the internet premiere of House of Carters. It was intense. Nick reveals some pretty juicy stuff about Paris, if anyone's interested. It officially premieres on E! at 9pm on Monday.

To follow-up on the Aaron Carter engagement, the two broke it off within a week when Aaron realized that Kari Ann Peniche had had relations with his older brother.

Nick and Aaron have been circulating all the major radio shows and daytime talk shows to promote House of Carters. They stopped in at Howard Stern's show yesterday and here are some things they revealed:
- Nick's first girlfriend was none other than Debra Beasley LaFave, the Florida school teacher who took part in illegal sexual activity with more than one student. They dated for a year-and-a-half or two when he was fifteen and she was fourteen before Nick's friends clued him in on the fact that she was cheating on him -- with a girl.
- Aaron still stands by the fact that Hilary Duff is his "true love," and when asked why that is, he claimed that the two lost their virginities to one another. Not sure how Hilary's going to respond to that, since she and her "people" have heavily implied that she is a virgin or has held out on boyfriend Joel Madden.
- Aaron also admits that though he and Lindsay Lohan dated, they "never took it to that level."
- Nick says he held out on Paris for two-and-a-half weeks before he was skeptical of her intentions, but she won him over after a month or two of acting sweet and domestic. Her true colors came through soon afterwards, and Nick admits that though he stayed faithful to her for the first four months, he was aware of the fact that she was cheating on him. He then went onto cheat on her, which is when the relationship unravel and they decided to call it quits.
- Aaron claims that Brooke Hogan is "the sweetest girl" he has ever met. They dated for a while and Aaron thinks they may get things started again. He was her first kiss.
- Aaron says that he's missing $5 or $6 million dollars on account of his mother.

And this isn't news, but Jessica Simpson was interested in Nick and approached Aaron about it, but Nick was dating Mandy Williford (a.k.a. Willa Ford) at the time. Aaron says, "Why do you think she married Nick Lachey? ... She just wanted a 'Nick'! She wanted this Nick but she had to settle for the 98 Degrees."

For the most part, I think they were pretty tactful, maybe except for Aaron's confession about Hilary. I don't think she'll be happy about that.

I haven't said anything about the Laguna Beach kids, but Jason Wahler's been arrested twice in the past month. He was first arrested in NY for "disorderly conduct, possession of a controlled substance, resisting arrest and bribery." Three weeks later (last Friday) in Los Angeles, he had an incident with a Department of Transportation officer and a tow-truck driver. He and his friend Kristen DeLuca were arrested on battery charges.

Who knew he'd be the first to go?

Here I am, bringing you the latest in post-teenybopper news.


[Photo courtesy of Kari Ann's MySpace. It's the best photo I could find of her]
So Aaron Carter has gotten engaged to one unlucky twenty-two year old woman by the name of Kari Ann Peniche. The two had sense enough in them to decide not to pull a Britney and are instead planning a real wedding. Carter, 18, proposed to his girlfriend on stage in Las Vegas last night. Peniche was named Miss United States Teen in 2003, but her title was revoked when she posed for Playboy. Here's another little tidbit: Peniche used to date Aaron's older brother Nick!

"I'm very excited about it," Peniche told United Press International. "Aaron is the most genuine person I know. He's kind, loving, and I love him so much."

I'm tired of the same ole same ole with Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan is in the spotlight so often that little she does continues to shock me. Well, maybe except for this.

According to Page Six, Lindsay joined her mother Dina for Dina's birthday celebration at Phillipe's in NYC. A spy reported that "Lindsay got a call from her mother telling her to come to the party ... Lindsay didn't want to go because her mother was drinking already, but she went anyway." When Lindsay arrived, "her mother and her four friends were into their second bottle of Cristal" and "right after the first course", Lindsay and Dina got into a huge fight. Apparently they cursed each other out before Lindsay told her mother to "Go to Hell" and abrupted left. She was seen later that night at the Calvin Klein party, where she appeared to be calm and collected.

I'd hate to be Dina Lohan's daughter.

September 6th.

So ... "Suri Cruise" was "unveiled" today. I still don't believe that that baby was brought into the world by Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise. I can see Tom in the baby, but ... I'm convinced that they've hired a baby who looks like it could be their baby. I find Suri kind of freakish looking myself ... I LOVE babies, but that baby kind of scares me. I think it's the steely-blue eyes.

Who knew Katie Holmes could produce such fugliness?


[Photo courtesy of ONTD]
But the highlight of my week thus far has been that Paris Hilton was denied access to nightclub Bungalow 8 in NYC, and stood outside crying while the paparazzi snapped away. That definitely made my day.

August 27th.

It's been a while. Since I last wrote, I got myself a fully-functional keyboard (klutz that I am, I spilled soup over my laptop's keyboard in January) and writing is now easier than ever! Anyway, the third season of Laguna Beach is now underway. What do you guys think?

I enjoy watching it just because it's so drama-ridden, but the storylines and even dialogue are hauntingly familiar. It's like listening to a Lauren and Lo dialogue come out of Kyndra and Cami's mouths. I don't think I'll be investing in the Season Three DVD set when it comes out.

Other than that, my last day of work was a week and a half ago and I got to stand in on a Jesse McCartney TEENick shoot and interview him. He's pretty much exactly how I'd expected him to be: smart, witty, funny and very real.

I've been noticing that all these High School Musical actors have been getting record deals. I watched High School Musical when it first came out and frankly, I wasn't all that impressed. Maybe it's because I'm only ... oh about seven years out of the target age group, but still. I saw Ashley Tisdale's video for "Kiss The Girl" was repulsed. She's a twenty-one year old acting like she's fifteen, and her voice is kind of annoying. Yesterday I heard Vanessa Hudgens' song for the first time, and it is a hell of a lot more tolerable. She may have one of the best voices among the girls Disney has cranked out, though that's really not saying much. And on another note, Hayden Panettiere's album is coming out soon?

It seems like the second coming of the teen pop craze. Fasten your seatbelts?

August 14th.

A quick summary of new things:

I saw Half Nelson, the newest Ryan Gosling film, when it opened on Friday here in the city. It was fantastic -- the perfect balance of cynicism and sweetness. I'm used to seeing Gosling in dark films, in disturbingly heavy roles. And then there was the unusual role he took on in The Notebook. Well in Half Nelson, his character Dan is immature, vulnerable, charming and humorous. This is the funniest role I've seen him in since his days on Mickey Mouse Club. I have nothing but praises to sing about this film. I highly recommend it. He will single-handedly bring back the bandage-to-lip trend.

I also got my hands on Paris Hilton's upcoming album Paris. I hate to admit it (I really, really do), but the critics were right. It's a genuinely good album. It's catchy, fun, sexy, cute. What it isn't, however, is a showcase of Paris' vocal abilities. (Probably because they are lacking.) I'm not telling you to go and buy it, but if you're remotely curious, have yourself a listen.

August 8th.

I forgot to mention my absolute disapproval and disappointment in Lauren's decision in The Hills' season (and likely series, from the dullness of the show) finale in my last entry. Paris or Jason, Jason or Paris? Call me the career girl with a New York state of mind, but ... hello!??? And from the looks of it, Jason could've probably afforded to have moved with her to Paris for the summer! Double-yoo-tee-eff, man. Well, I guess we won't know for sure whether Lauren chose Paris or Jason, because MTV has a pretty amazing editing team. But if it actually turned out the way it was portrayed, I have lost all respect for Ms. Conrad.

But anyway, the big news today (according to Us Weekly) is that Jason and Lauren have called it quits. She confirmed this, saying, “Yes it is true, Jason and I are no longer together, but out of respect for his privacy I am not going to discuss the details of the breakup." Friends of the former couple say that it was Lauren who did the breaking up and it was because she sick and tired of his "going out to clubs, flirting with girls, staying out late ..." Knew she should've chosen Paris!


[Photo courtesy of ONTD]
... and I have had about enough of Lindsay Lohan and her big mouth. I can tolerate her being disarmingly honest, but she's gone past honest. I've never liked her, but she ... bugs me now. Here are some disconcerting exerpts from her interview with ELLE magazine:
"Well, [I] say things that aren't true a lot, just because it's fun. Yeah, if I was dating one person [I'd] probably tell them I was dating someone else and then I'd call my friend and be like, 'Do you mind if I say that we're dating?' I figure I'll f--- with them, because they f--- with me.'"
(That's the way to go about things, fer sher!)

"I mean, if the sex is bad, the relationship's not going anywhere. But I think I've had enough experience with dating one guy for a long time. The only one was Wilmer and apparently Jared, but Jared was so paranoid. He'd always be like, 'Don't come over if you're going to bring 15 f---ing paparazzi!' ... It's different if it's a guy who's already in the public eye. But if it's, like, a guy who's just starting out in a band, or a model ... they might get a big head. You have to think about those things."
(And how 'bout you getting a big head? Oh, your life is so hard, boo hoo.)

On girls who make it:
"Now you just have to be on a reality show. I'm an actress who appreciates movies like To Catch a Thief, Kitten With a Whip, and Niagara. And then there's these other girls -- and I'm happy for them -- who basically go to the clubs, sit in a booth near me or Kirsten Dunst, do a few rebellious things, and they get put on the covers of magazines. They're getting their own shows, and now they're doing movies. What the f---? I've had to work since I was four years old!"
(What's that about big heads again?)

On her alleged cocaine use:
"And I'm not. There you have it. It's not true. I remember my dad would always look me in the eyes and be able to tell that I was lying if I looked away for a second. A security guard taught me that too -- and he works in the CIA! So look me in the eyes. I'm not looking away. I'll talk to you for the rest of the interview like this if you want. aside from me having to eat my food [the interviewer later reveals that she consumes an artichoke and two pinot grigios]. It's not true! My mother would take me out of the business."
"I've been trying to go to Iraq with Hillary Clinton for so long. Hillary was trying to work it out, but it seemed too dangerous. I wanted to do what Marilyn Monroe did, when she went and just set up a stage and did a concert for the troops all by herself. It's so amazing seeing that one woman just going somewhere, this beautiful sex kitten, who's basically a pinup, which is what I've always aspired to be. So I tried to go there. I'm not afraid of going. My security guard is going to take me to a gun range when I get back to L.A., and I'm going to start taking shooting lessons. He says if I'm going to go there I should really know how to shoot. Yeah, I have a dark side. I go to my dark side. I watched all those videos on Charles Manson for a while."
(Um, there's so much wrong with what she's said that I don't even know where to start. I think I'll just leave it at saying that I hope she's kidding about the Charles Manson videos. Really hardcore, Linds.)

With any luck, her life will be an exact replica of Marilyn's.

August 3rd.

Hello August 2006! So the nation's been having some sort of meltdown, likely due to global warming and the like. It was 104* yesterday here in the Big Apple, and not much better today. I have a theory about NYC and why it gets so disgusting during the summer. It's called tourists and the displacement of air.

Speaking of tourists, I encountered my favorite one yet today. A British lady stopped in the middle of the street (46th and Broadway) and asked, "Where's Times Square?" And all the while, one of the five crazy screens (at least four of which should have been turned off to conserve energy) flashed, "The ball drops here!!!" while showing a crazy animation of the New Years Eve ball. "Times Square 2006."

Have you guys heard about this new internet celebrity? Her name is Bree ... and that's pretty much all we know about her. The New York Times even write a little piece about her and her video blog on YouTube. You can check it out here. I find her highly entertaining. Sort of a real-life Clarissa Explains It All.

Anyway, I am so very sick of hearing about Mel Gibson. I don't care that people have cell phone videos of him just minutes before he was arrested. I don't want to hear the stories of the girls who were photographed with him just minutes before he was arrested. I don't care that he was arrested for DUI. If I were to care about Mel Gibson in the slightest (which I still don't), it'd be that he made such slanderous statements against the Jewish. Why are ET and The Insider and their counterparts still giving Mel eight minutes every night?

I'm also sick of hearing about Christie Brinkley and her husband's affair with a nineteen-year-old. And how that nineteen-year-old is using it all in her favor.

I am interested, however, in hearing more about the stern letter Lindsay Lohan received from the production company behind her current project, Georgia Rule. And her continual partying. (Speaking of Lindsay, have you all seen lil sis Aliana in the fall JcPenney commercial? I've been meaning to point that out for ages, but my internet has been down for the past two-plus weeks.) I personally hope that she keeps calling in sick so she'll get fired and Hollywood will boycott her like the fashion industry boycotted her pal Kate Moss after the cocaine scandal last fall.

So maybe I'm a little sadistic.