Mondays always sucked.

[Photo courtesy of Fisherwy at Blogspot;
Mustache courtesy of her cow’s milk]
Shocker! American Idol’s Kristy Lee Cook, eliminated at seventh place this year, is the first finalist since the two Davids to announce a record deal. She has reportedly signed with 19 Recording’s Nashville sector, Arista Nashville, which she was signed to as a teenager! What is even more shocking is that her single, “15 Minutes of Shame” will hit airwaves on August 11th – possibly before runner up David Archuleta’s first single.

Something about that just ain’t right. Aside from the fact that she was my least favorite of the top ten, why isn’t the spotlight going to Carly Smithson, Brooke White or, hell, even Jason Castro? I foresee Arista Nashville giving her the boot in the near future, just as they did all those years ago.

Model Ruslana Korshunova’s death on Saturday is bothering me in a way similar to the way Heath Ledger’s death bothered me. Her death has been ruled “an apparent suicide”, but nothing has been said that would substantiate this claim, which of course, leaves the masses to poke and prod at the girl’s life. Most of the reports cite her MYSPACE as examples of a so-called downwards spiral her life took. Are we seriously this starved for “news”? And Geraldo Rivera showed clips of her uncovered body at the scene on Fox News. Disgusting.

In real fake news, Lindsay Lohan seems to have convinced Samantha Ronson to hold hands with her on Friday -- in broad daylight, for no reason than out of affection. Last weekend, Lilo seemed to have a little difficulty convincing SamRo to give into the baby PDA while leaving Hamburger Central. What a difference a few days make!

Day of Rest does not compute.

Blake Lively is virtually unrecognizable when her smile is turned upside down! Rumor has it that Blake and her Gossip Girl co-star Penn Badgley had a big argument on set and may be on the outs! That’s okay; Penn can make a triangle out of the Chace-Ed pairing.

Question: why are B-to-D-list celebrities’ blogs making People.com headlines? First it was the whole hoo-ha over David Archuleta’s video blog and written blog on People magazine’s website, and now it’s Samantha Ronson’s latest blog on her (admirable) love for the sewer that is New York City during the summer. I guess there can’t be any lawsuits if it’s coming straight from the horse’s mouth ...

This past week, the latest findings from the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life in the United States was released, and they were interesting. Basically, Americans are delusional, don’t follow logic, and love everyone.

The confusing and illogical results follow:

92% of adults believe in God, even if they don’t practice a religion.
58% say they pray at least once a day.
78% say that there are “absolute standards of right and wrong” but
only 29% rely on religion to define the standards.
74% believe there’s a heaven while 59% believe in a hell.
70%, including major Christian and non-Christian groups (minus the poor Mormons) say “many religions can lead to eternal life.”
68% say “there’s more than one true way to interpret the teachings of my religion”

La la la.

50% say “homosexuality is a way of life that should be accepted by society”.

Most surprising to me was the mere 28% of evangelicals who claimed that religion was their “main influence in their political thinking”.

So ... Obama, McCain, those evangelicals are up for grabs! And I guess we’ll just have to wait for the next president to legalize gay marriage for all citizens of the United States. For now, thank your chosen god for MACACAMA. Or Mormon Mitt Romney, sort of. I love you too!

[Photo courtesy of Flynet Online]

Waiting on the world to change

[Photo courtesy of Just Jared]
For all those who just couldn't understand my inability to watch John Mayer perform. Truly a guy whose intellect I value over his looks.

Conservatively Girl Crushin'

[Photos courtesy of, L-R: JAMD.com and DavidCookWeb.com]
Also in my copy of the August 2008 Teen Vogue (don’t worry, I’ve recently canceled my subscription) is a completely useless article on girl crushes. It fails in trying to make lucid the difference between admiration and the possibility of the never-talked-about bisexuality or lesbianism, and generally makes a big to-do about nothing. There was a slightly more enlightening article on girl crushes a few years ago in The New York Times.

Teen Vogue quotes several victims of girl crushes, and as teens, they were expectedly ineloquent about their admiration. Ashlee is the best example of girl crushing gone wrong: When Ashlee split with her former friend, she found a new passion that her girl crush wasn’t into: literature. “She hated reading ... But books are my escape.” Yikes. Sounds like Ashlee has a few issues, but we’ll leave that to her therapist to work out.

The twenty- and thirty-somethings quoted in the New York Times article are slightly more comfortable and forthcoming with the details. Jane Weeks (actually in her forties) apparently was the object of many-a-woman’s affection – “At first, it’s flattering you’re inspiring them. When they parrot back parts of yourself, it’s extremely uncomfortable ... When you’re on a pedestal, there’s no way but down. And it’s lonely up there. You can’t share your weaknesses.” She, as of 2005, was “an outdoorswoman who has hiked through the Andes from Argentina to Chile” and believed that she represented “some National Geographic chick”. Hmm. Could it be that those who “girl crushed” on her mistook her for something else?

Teen Vogue cites Blake Lively, Natalie Portman, Ellen Page and model Agyness Deyn as the top celebs being crushed on. And now that Lindsay Lohan is with Samantha Ronson, SamRo has been thrust into the limelight in a whole new way – for both girls who like girls and girls who like boys. As Teen Vogue would say: Does she inspire you to want to learn to DJ? Girl crush. To stay calm in times of great strife? Girl crush. To want to cozy up to Lilo? No comment.

... and after thinking a little more deeply about this, the great waves of inspiration one David Archuleta has created with American Idol fans is very, very curious. For those who haven’t considered their admiration to be anything but a crush, fine. But I’ve come to the conclusion that the strange parasocial relationship I have with DArchuleta might just be a girl crush.

Backstreet's not back -- they were never gone, but they're going.

[Photo courtesy of MSN]
MSN Music is currently featuring a pre-taped screening of the Backstreet Boys in concert. Anyone who knows me well enough knows that I am a huge Backstreet Boys fan, but there’s something very wrong with seeing four grown men dressed in boxing robes doing nine-year-old choreography to “Larger Than Life.”

What is up with the boxing gimmick? I’m pretty sure the Backstreet Boys concert was taped before the American Idol finale script was even an embryo of a thought, but what is the appeal of introducing male more-or-less pop singers to the audience through a WWF-esque medium? I’d be more interested in seeing Syesha Mercado duke it out with David Cook or Nick Carter, but seeing as female pop singers just don’t look sexy in boxing robes, I don’t think that’ll ever happen. I’m also pretty sure everyone who is willing to shell out the price of a Backstreet Boys ticket either already knows where their favorite “boxers” hail from or does not want to watch them humiliate themselves as such. I mean, what happened to marketing them as sexy? What happened to letting AJ McLean hump the stage in 1997?

To catch everyone up on Backstreet Boys news, apparently they released a second single from their 2007 album “Unbreakable”. It’s a lot of the same ole same ole: Boys placed against a natural backdrop, with an unattainable model-cum-porn star sulkingly representing the one true love of all four of their lives.

At some point, Howie Dorough, the one we all assumed was gay, got married to a woman. And then just recently, his father died. Former BSB member Kevin Richardson and wife Kristin had a child. I think. I hope I’m not making that up. Nick is now, apparently, sober. I didn’t realize he was, at some point, not sober. In the rock star sense of the word, of course.

Everything else remains constant in the backstreet. Brian Littrell is still injecting Backstreet Boys lyrics with the random “Hello” while still managing to keep up with the dance moves, which are more advanced than ever -- surprising, as none of us are getting any younger. I didn’t realize Nick was that flexible.

And as big of a fan I was and am of his, no mention of Nickolas Gene Carter should go without this brilliant clip:
[Courtesy of YouTube user “maahcarter”]
This may be the final tour for the Backstreet Boys – their American wing of the tour is sorely lacking in stops. The closest show to New York City is in Atlantic City, at a House of Blues. But watching this London taping of the concert, I’m kind of glad.

Holla at the Cheap Hipsters ... CHipsters, if you will.

I got my Teen Vogue in the mail today and realized (I haven’t been keeping up) that Richard Chai was announced as the next Target Go International designer, to debut in stores in August. Teen Vogue is spectacular at making typically un-spectacular clothes look like they’re worth the 60,000 pennies they cost, but it managed to make the line look like a rainbow of potato sacks.

[Photo courtesy of Nylonmag.com]
Fortunately, Nylon magazine brought a more detailed look at the line, modeled on real models rather than thrown against a flat surface. And the line manages to revive the Go International line just a little, by combining fun with trendy and practicality. With any luck, the clothes -- in person -- will not disappoint.

In other fashion news, here’s a fashion NEVER:
[Photo courtesy of Celebrity-Gossip.net]
KFed says hello while living the good life off of Britney’s alimony and eating more bags of Cheetos than his metabolism can afford.

Week End Drama

Loads of ridiculousness! Loads!

Lindsay Lohan’s father Michael reportedly had a kid with another woman while still married to Dina. There is another child out there who, if Dina ever got a hold of, would be put through the Lohan-family-grind to stardom. Too bad the 13-year-old daughter (and I say this with 100% confidence) looks nothing like the Lohan clan. Dina’s genes are the dominant ones – just look at their noses. And eyes. And bitchiness.

Some conspirator at Fashion.ie claims to have received tips from both The New York Post and The Daily News about Gossip Girl’s Chace Crawford and Ed Westwick having an on-set fling:
Seems like on-set sources, which the pubs tell us are reliable, have told each paper that Chace Crawford and Gossip Girl co-star and real-life roommate Ed Westwick are in a relationship and not trying to hide it, at least on set.
BOTH NY papers tell us that Chace and Ed were recently seen kissing, open-mouthed on set.
Very interesting!
The Post and Daily News both declined to publish this item because they don't like to "out" people.
I don’t normally buy into unnamed sources who say things that don’t seem to make sense, but maybe this time I just want to!

[Photo courtesy of TMZ.com]
I love Samantha Ronson more with each passing day: Here she is acknowledging a really annoying drunk girl who pretends she’s a paparazzo carrying around a bright pink camera phone. SamRo the new DArchuleta? Not quite, not quite yet.

All Things American, sort of

Not sure when Demi Lovato became bonafide fodder, but here we are. She told one particular teenybopper magazine that she gets loud and obnoxious (not in so many words) around guys. And journalists, apparently. Ah, to be fifteen and pugnacious – in a completely sugary and pink (or black, since emo is the new bubblegum) way.

3 out of 4 Americans blame Bush. For everything. The economy, the natural disasters, the food recalls (the world is ending, no joke there), the mishandling of disaster zones, probably even for convincing them to vote for him a second time: The LA Times quoted a deeply sorry individual as saying, “I’m what I call middle-class poor ... It seems like [Bush] is not in touch with the American people ... I voted for him both elections, but I wouldn’t vote for him again.” Can’t blame ‘em. What we need is change we can believe in, no? (Is that trademarked? Was I supposed to put a copyright sign above it?)

David Cook and Audrina Patridge at some Glamour magazine party. Not sure what they were doing there, as neither appear to be of Glamour's, what, mid 20s-to-early 30s female demographic ... And not quite the ideal collision between two of my most talked about reality shows, but I’ll take what I can get. Damn, Cook looks like a man who got lucky. Well, he knows that we know he knows he is. Because he did. And you know I would’ve chosen Whitney Port and David Archuleta, though that would’ve been ... awkward at best. Perhaps Lo Bosworth would’ve fit snuggly near-ish DArchuleta’s chin ... or ... upper ear.

[Photo courtesy of Rock It Til You Drop It]

The State of Television

Wow, maybe I haven’t been paying attention, or maybe the media is making too much out of nothing: a possible Actors’ Strike?

“I don’t think the writers’ strike was good for anybody,” Teri Weinberg of NBC Entertainment told The New York Times. No, but it did allow crap like quarterlife and I Survived A Japanese Game Show! to get airtime ...

Even Boston Herald chimed in with an ace headline as, “Actors’ strikecould hurt Mass[achusetts] movie biz”: someone with the unfortunate surname of Paleologos was quotes as having said, “I honestly believe that even if there is a [strike], that we’re still going to be in business this summer with at least two pictures ... And I don’t think anyone, even the most pessimistic people, feel that if the actors’ strike happens, that it’ll be for a long time.” It’s sprinkled with other gems which Google uses as a pulled quote to attract eyes: “But Chris O’Donnell, business manager of Local 481 of the International Alliance of Theatrical Stage Employees, Moving Picture Technicians, Artists and Allied Crafts ...” That’s enough. We get it. Boston would feel the brunt of this strike, duh.

Going back to I Survived A Japanese Game Show, I was returning to work from lunch when I saw the promo on the huge billboard in Times Square. I thought it was a failsafe fail from the moment I set my eyes on it. How do I feel about it now, after a whole, oh five minutes, of cringing? Not good, my friend, not good. What has our world come to? Are we not stooping as low as our Japanese television executive comrades are in sending our patriotic ones over to represent our country in a battle of scrambled eggs and ? And what spin did ABC put on this to get it past its unspoken “educational television” moniker? Cultural awakening? Breaking down racial barriers? It’s not just a Japanese thing, either, it’s an Asian thing.

By the way, I beg to differ – many Americans have “gone there” before. See: blonde teen pop idols who the Asian teen girls adore. (E.g. Jesse McCartney in Taiwan, at a “game show")


[Photo courtesy of YouTube user "jwwf11"]
Kawaii, no?

P.S. ABC, the ridiculous sound effects can be construed as propagating racial stereotypes, doncha know? And nice touch with the guy who thought Japanese looked like hieroglyphics. I feel ya, guy. Two years of college-level Mandarin classes. I feel ya.

Rant of the Week

I have gone through some sort of mind-bogglery tonight. Or something.

I was prepared to spit out all this great gossip – something about Anne Hathaway’s scumbag (barely) ex-boyfriend, something about Olivia Thirlby ... Then the Bloomingdale’s free shipping promotion took over my life.

So I’ve had my eye on both the Terra Cotta and Royal Blue Longchamp Le Pliage tote bag for some while now. I’ve visited Saks, Bloomie’s and countless other retailers and have not been able to locate either color for some time. Bloomie’s remains the only trustworthy online retailer which carries both colors (idiot that I am, I missed the official Longchamp sale by a hair ... a hair!). The free shipping (usually $13 for a bag as the one I was hungry for) was for purchases of $150 and over. The bag in question is $135.

What to get for $15, what to get for $15? NOTHING. This is Bloomingdale’s we’re talking about, and nothing – save for mesh panties and winter sock-shoes, are anywhere close to $15. So I turned to the relatively standard category of beauty products.

After over an hour of pleading with my mother to please restock her moisturizer early (and failing), I realized that Beauty was not included in free shipping.

Bastards.

Wanting not to go the way of Spanx or mesh undies (seriously!?), I finally decided to order two Longchamp bags: one in Terra Cotta and one in Royal Blue in case either one is unsatisfactory, and to return the other when I’ve decided.

Here’s to hoping I’ll be able to part with one of them.

Not to let the night go completely to waste, I did salvage one bit of celebrity gossip – mumblemumblemumble Guitar Hero mumblemumble rockumentary mumble 70s. I have no idea why the American Idols are dressed up this way – it has something to do with a rockumentary promotion for Guitar Hero that will air someplace, sometime during the tour this summer, but I thought the photograph was priceless:


[Photo courtesy of MJs Big Blog]
Naturally, the two Davids just so happen to look the worst of the bunch, with David Cook looking like a gigolo or pimp or retired porn star, and David Archuleta ... Fez? My real question is why are Jason Castro and DArchuleta wearing girls’ clothes!?

Deluded or in denial

Plenty to report today. Let’s start with the deluded team that is Speidi. Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are getting together to form ... get ready for it ... SPEIDIWEB, a social networking site that Spencer claims will “be bigger than MySpace, bigger than Facebook.”

... you think that’s deluded?

Heidi thinks The Beckhams are “great with their branding, but Speidi is going to take it to another level ... I mean, I definitely want to surpass both of them.”

A UK Heinz commercial was pulled because 200 viewers felt uncomfortable with the two males kissing. I can’t even call it a homosexual kiss; it is completely devoid of feeling and is supposed to be humorous. I don’t know what to say but “I’m offended.”

And to leave on a light note, video of Shia LaBeouf on the set of Transformers 2, being the funny guy that he is. I love a guy who isn’t afraid of making a fool of himself in public.


[Courtesy of YouTube user “PhillyFilmGirl”]

Killing two stars with one post

[Photo courtesy of LindsayImages.org]
The proof is in the pudding.

Not much by way of celebrity news tonight:
- Courtney Love now looks like the Joker come to life
- DArchuleta used to wake up at 4:45am to run, likely before seminary, and wants to know what you’re doing this summer
- Jason Castro is much more awkward than I remembered

Press play if you wanna hear Heidi Montag sound like Uffie and the 80s’ bastard child. Spencer claims it’s the “best song of my life!” And I can totally hear him saying that. Dumbass.


Sorry I don’t have much to offer. Maybe the world will be more cooperative tomorrow and Sam Ronson and Lindsay Lohan will, god forbid, hold hands in public.

We're all ears!

Sunday, Teenybopper edition!

[Photo courtesy of WireImage.com]
Plans were cancelled last night and I found myself watching Camp Rock on ABC. Yes, you heard it here first – not only did I watch a Wonderful World of Disney presentation, but I am admitting it here: I do not have cable and was subjected to low-grade Disney.

But nevermind. The three-hour long exposure to The Jonas Brothers and Demi Lovato spurred me to catch up on what goes on in tweeny and teeny land. Let’s start with a paragraph-long “review” of Camp Rock:
The hottest male teen sensation plus the inexplicable High School Musical formula do not a success make. The acting was superbly terrible, as is expected of Disney Channel productions these days. I’m beginning to think that the director probably shouts “bigger, bigger, overact!” through his or her proverbial megaphone so the tweenies will “get it”. Because Zac Efron has acting chops, but HSM 1, 2 and likely 3 give little indication of that. Anyway, the hype surrounding Camp Rock has built up enough to propel Demi Lovato into superstardom in the Radio Disney realm – plus, she’s cute enough and has a good enough voice. Most atrocious was Meaghan Jette Martin’s performance which, unlike Ashley Tisdale’s Sharpay Evans, was one-dimensional and lacked vulnerability in parts that desperately needed it. Joe Jonas’s star, unfortunately, will not be hurt by his terrible acting job (or by his terribly squeaky voice, while we’re at it) and Disney will continue to believe that as long as a cute male teen idol is involved, any Cinderella formulaed-production will work.

Moving on. Why is it that Disney dominates the teen scene so much more than it did when I was a teen? This monopolization of pop culture frightens me. Did Nickelodeon go down with Jamie-Lynn Spears? Vanessa Hudgens defended boyfriend Zac Efron in Newsweek magazine against the rumors that Zac showers sparingly. ZEfron, according to STV.tv, likes curvy girls: “I don’t know the exact measurements but I like curvy girls – girls with hips. I’m also huge on legs. I love girls with nice, long, sexy legs.” Not good enough to explain why he’s “with” Vanessa.

David Archuleta attended last night’s premiere of Pixar’s Wall-e, sporting a trendy-borderline-grandfatherly hat – probably to hide the fact that he is in dire need of a haircut. That’s news, if his being homeschooled and his MySpace blogs make headlines. Also there was a newly-brunette Katie Cassidy (maybe it’s not new, but I haven’t been paying much attention since she and Jesse McCartney called it quits). What is she up to these days, aside from aging quite rapidly?

The New York Times hits a new low

Are they trying, just to keep up with the Joneses, to appeal to the younger generation? What, and lose the Mid-Atlantic-WASPy tone I imagine every one of their articles is injected with?

Your Money: A Primer for Young People Starting Their First Job
To the employers who are about to put them to work, however, I urge you to take another look at the pile of employee manuals that detail all your fabulous benefits. They’re boring. They’re confusing. And they start in the middle instead of defining things from the beginning ...

Health insurance is expensive. Employers generally pay for some or most of it, but usually not all. You’ll probably pay your share of the cost in at least two ways.

First, your employer will probably take some money out of your paycheck regularly. This is called the premium. Then, there’s something called a deductible, where each year you have to pay at least the first couple of hundred dollars toward many kinds of medical expenses, like prescription drugs or doctor fees or payments to mental health practitioners. Finally, there’s the co-payment, a $15 (or $50 or $100) fee you pay for every doctor visit or prescription.

No shiz, Ron Lieber. I'm not just starting my first job, but even if I were, I'd know all this, what with my $120,000 college degree!

Thnks fr th dvc.

NEWSFLASH: DArchuleta works out, has goldfish named "Conditioner"

[Courtesy of David Archuleta and Team David]
It's a freakin' slow news day. The most exciting thing that I read today is that David Archuleta used to work out before Idol, has a goldfish (the size of his hand!) named "Conditioner" and his first language was Spanish. He thinks he's gotten "flabby". Seventeen and flabby. Wait till he sees his body transform into Dadchuleta's.

Oldies but goodies:

Samantha Ronson in her "femme"-r days:
[Courtesy of YouTube user "villiamq"]
Okay, that's kinda hot.

Girlfriend Lindsay Lohan poking fun of herself on TMZ:

[Courtesy of YouTube user "AtomicSpike"]

Rant of the Week

Aside from my disapproval of Mark Ronson's affected Mid-Atlantic (but mostly British) accent and the scientifically inaccurate lyrics of OneRepublic's "Apologize" ("I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue" -- blue fire is commonly known to be hotter than red fire, Ryan Tedder) -- both of which are not news, I am appalled at the new fashion or just dumb celebrity trend of bright, like CARIBBEAN blue nail polish.

The people over at Fashionista.com spoke to Lauren Conrad about her oh-so-fascinating nails:
Well, that's weird [that people are obsessed with her nails] ... yeah, I stopped doing black, and now I'm getting really playful. I just got this electric blue color, and also these metallic foils from Sephora that are kind of crazy. You push them down onto your nails and they stay there, like instead of polish. Oh, and I like going to party supply stores because they sell glitter nail polish that's really intense. When you paint it on your nails, they look like disco balls.

Why oh why is this trend back? I wore several shades of blue polish back in the day (when I was twelve, and I'm being literal here) and when I caught a photo of myself wearing a bright red wool sweater with baby blue nails, I swore never to wear light blue polish again. So even though the girls of The Hills and a couple of other key players in Hollywood (and people who should know better -- Heidi Klum?) have jumped back on the bandwagon, I am passing on this one. Can someone tell them that it's not flattering in the least?

Dior said NAVY BLUE nail polish was in, not "electric blue"! Stay in fashion school for one more year, Lauren!

[Photo courtesy of Egotastic]
*You can't really tell, but in that photo of Whitney Port's unfortunate nip slip, she is in fact wearing light blue nail polish. I know that's what you're all focusing on in this photo.

The Friday Five: 6/13/08

Things that made me crack up this week:

- According to Mavrix Online, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are some savvy minxes: they hit the red carpet of Trent Vanegas’ Pink Is The New Blog relaunch, only to scoot back into their car once they got their money shots – and never attended the actual event!

- Lily Allen’s visit to the United States, and her incredible documentation of it on her MySpace blog. BEST PHOTO OF THE WEEK.

- While watching Nashville Star for the very first time, I realized that Jewel now displays a Southern accent. Since when was Alaska part of the deep South? I know she’s going country now, but even Pennsylvania native Taylor Swift knows better than to put on an affectation like that.

- I know that even Shia LaBeouf hates himself a little more for using offensive slurs (I suppose it could be called that) to get his friend to slap him, but somehow the offensive Shia of yesteryear endears me yet more to him. I suppose, like David Archuleta, Shia LaBeouf can do no wrong in my eyes. And Shia is right – tequila would not have helped. Happy Belated Birthday, dude.

- No one in the United States is eating tomatoes. Silently, Taco Bell, McDonald’s and In N Out weep. And Heinz celebrates.

RIP Tim Russert.

[Photo courtesy of Lily Allen's MySpace]

Girlfights and two lame chicks

I caught up with Living Lohan for the first time today, mostly because I was curious about how big of a twat Ali Lohan really is. A huge one, I've concluded. But Dina Lohan is really to blame -- she is one tough cookie and completely on the defensive, combative. Except when she gave that Jeremy Greene dude credit when he didn't deserve it -- but I think maybe it's because she (and her daughter) had a thing for him and probably didn't want him selling more lies if they'd kicked him to the curb.

Would someone tell Ali to do something about her bangs? They seriously make her look like an Italian Mama. And maybe just lay off on the heavy liner and LIPliner while she's at it? Someone needs to let girlfriend know that it ain't 1996 anymore.

Things seem to be back to normal -- maybe -- for Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge of The Hills. Just yesterday, OK! magazine reported that Lauren became enraged when she walked in on Audrina doing a photoshoot in their shared yard, and Audrina was quoted as having said: “She was very, very, very mad ... She said it’s her house. But this is my room. I said, ‘We’re not taking pictures of your house — don’t be rude.’ It just adds to the tension. Now she thinks I’m sneaky and shady for doing this photo shoot, yet she and her team knew about it. She won’t let it go.”

But then last night, the girls were spotted in relatively light moods, holding hands while leaving Crown Bar in Los Angeles.

Alcohol the social lubricant that also makes you forget your grudges? Send Lauren two boites of Grey Goose so she and Heidi Montag can move on with their lives, stat.

The New York Times thinks Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan are together too (among other things). For now, anyway.

The season premiere of My Boys was boring. We've been waiting a year for this premiere, folks, give us more juice! And c'mon, if PJ could have him (and we know she could), she'd choose Brando in a New York second!

[Photo courtesy of The Gossip Girls]

Playing catch-up

I have been behind, and for that, I truly apologize. I did a lot of reading of random things online today, and I would like to share with you my favorite tidbits:

- How to judge a dude by his food

Offensive? Having graduated from an all-girls college, I think so. But apparently I’m not the only one offended by this “article”. I think judgments made from food choices on dates have been heralded and spread by women. That said, however, this is not a male/female issue. It’s a people issue. If I’m going to judge a man by what he eats, I’m going to judge a female by what she eats just as much. Boring is boring and exotic is exotic. And I guess I never got the memo on turkey ...

- According to The Envelope, Katherine Heigl has pulled out as a nominee for the most Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series Emmy:

“I am truly grateful for the honor that the Academy bestowed upon me last year. I did not feel that I was given the material this season to warrant an Emmy nomination and in an effort to maintain the integrity of the Academy organization, I withdrew my name from contention. In addition, I did not want to potentially take away an opportunity from an actress who was given such materials.”

WOW, does she hate her job that much!? Way to get yourself fired!

- It’s been a scorching hot (or more like sauna hot) week on the East Coast, and NYMag.com has made a call for the best description (to those who don’t know any better) of what summer is truly like in the New York City. Here are some choice responses:

I season my drawers with a healthy dose of gold bond powder before walking out into the world. The best prevention I've found for the dreaded fire swamp. - LEGGOEGGO
I used to sleep in a cami and underwear, with a fan set up at the end of my bed and my feet in the gyno-stirrup position. Inelegant, but effective. - OMAHA
When I was a young professional liing on the fourth floor of a tenement in Astoria (right under the el tracks), I used to spend each and every evening soaking in a bathtub of cool water, a wet towel on my head and a volume of Dickens in my hand, all the windows open and a fan playing a safe distance away from the tub. Then, instead of sheets, I slept on an old bath towel. - ANEWMAN102

What a douche. Who reads Dickens in the tub, on a 100* day anyway? Just keeping a “volume” of his paid-by-the-word novels from falling into the bathwater will work up a sweat. I’d rather sit in a sweltering E train and ride it up and down until I’m ten pounds lighter and dehydrated like only Lindsay Lohan could know.

In other news, Jessica Alba should’ve known better and added an “é” to the end of her baby daughter’s name so at least she can have a good backstory and tell everyone she named her after the biggest fashion block in Paris, after Yves Saint-Laurent’s death. David Archuleta is still invoking the desire to blow belly farts across his tummy, a new line of Archie Pockets, and visions of newborn puppies eating candy and dancing, despite being desperately boring in his first official video blog. David Cook, too, did no better than Joe Schmoe in Joe Schmoe’s Pub in singing the national anthem at last night’s Lakers-Celtics game.
Looks like only time will tell which David really won.

... and last but not least, my practically-daily Lindsay/Ronson update: if they’re not dating, I don’t know why Samantha Ronson, Lindsay Lohan’s roommate (or is this a rumor, despite multiple grocery trips together?), would be paying her daily or near-daily visits on set of Lohan’s new flick, Labor Pains. Both Mark Ronson and Michael Lohan have possibly outed the couple already – what other proof do we really need? None for me, thanks, I’m on Diddy’s yacht cruising with the couple.

[Photo courtesy of GossipGirls.com]

Sweet Caroline, good times never seemed so good!

[Photo courtesy of Huffington Post]
So the race for the Democratic ticket is ovaaaaaa.

The Washington Post article “Democratic Primary Boosts U.S. Image Around the World” offered some choice quotes:

"This is close to a miracle. I was certain that some things will not happen in my lifetime," said Sunila Patel, 62, a widow encountered on the streets of New Delhi. "A black president of the U.S. will mean that there will be more American tolerance for people around the world who are different."
The primary elections generated unprecedented interest around the world, as people in distant parliament buildings and thatched-roof huts followed the political ups and downs as if they were watching a Hollywood thriller.

Hollywood thriller it most certainly has been. Hillary Clinton has put up a tough fight, and news outlets are reporting that she is rumored to cede the nomination by Friday. How she thinks she has any chance in hell of getting on Obama’s ticket is beyond me. Caroline Kennedy FTW.

And most inspiring and uplifting quote of all: "The primaries showed that the U.S. is actually the nation we had believed it to be, a place that is open-minded enough to have a woman or an African American as its president," said Minoru Morita, a Tokyo political analyst.

Maybe this Minoru Morita should think about working for Obama.

Look, my favorite 2008 Idol (Mormon) contestant came in second. My favorite Presidential candidate (not by the merit of his political beliefs; also Mormon) came in second in the Republican race (okay, in my heart). Things are looking pretty good for Obama.

Except now that the tides have turned and there are two clear frontrunners, Obama is lookin' more and more like DArchuleta and McCain like David Cook. The good news here is that we're allowed only one vote each and polls close well before anyone's bedtime.

Happy Pairings

To ease the tension as we await Hillary Clinton’s concession tonight:


[YouTube user “hollywoodtv”]

As if I didn’t already like Samantha Ronson, I now love her for staying so calm. I don’t know what she’s doing with Lindsay Lohan, but it’s sweet to see Lindsay act so maternal. Can they come out already?

Another coupling I don’t quite understand: Jesse McCartney and Danity Kane’s Aubrey O’Day. She’s three years his senior, but that’s never stopped JMac. Neither, apparently, do flubber lips, popping cleavage, Mystic tans or wonky eyes. Katie Cassidy to this!? DOWNGRADE.

... and now we wait with bated breath. Except not, because we know Hillary’s boat has sunk.

[Photo courtesy of JustJared.com]

Catching up

So I did not expect last week to be as crazy as it was. Let’s just say the Davids of American Idol lore descended upon New York City and everything else was a lost cause. I can tell you one thing: twenty-three is not a nimble and energetic seventeen, and my stalking skillz are more than a little rusty. However, I can confirm that David Archuleta sounds better singing in person than he does through cathode-ray tube projections. David Cook doesn’t sound too bad either, and how he continues to sing “Time of My Life” without cracking up continues to amaze me.

Anyway. With the Davids tucked into obscurity (at least until the tour begins), I can focus on the important things at hand. Like how interesting it is that no one seems particularly shocked or interested in the fact that Ashlee Simpson is pregnant. Or why most people are downplaying the Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson rumors. It would make me like her better, and I couldn’t even tell you why. (Okay, it’s because I’ve always liked Samantha Ronson more than I liked Lindsay, but that really doesn’t say much.) If it’s all true, I can’t wait for Lindsay to come out of the closet, followed closely by Dina and little sister Ali coming out of their own Long Island JAP closets (yes, I realize they’re not Jewish) and owning up to Lindsay’s “alternative lifestyle choices”.

The other thing that has been hovering in my line of vision is Christina Aguilera’s permanent frown. It’s extra creepy when filled in with hot pink lipstick, but my post-partum depression radar is pinging like crazy. At least she flashed a few smiles last night at LAX in Vegas. Is she still upset that Max popped out ugly? Was that a surprise?

[Photo courtesy of WENN]