The Realities of Laguna Beach

Alright, nothing new to report after the devastating early-morning update. But I dug this E! story on Laguna Beach, so I shall share all the juicy bits.

Jessica, Alex M. and Alex H. are supposedly "definitely returning" for Season Three. I don't really believe that -- especially not the Jessica and Alex H. part, since Jessica seems to be ... I don't know, ready to not be on TV, and Hooser's just Kristin's sidekick anyway.

And according to E's insider sources, the real reason Kristin and Alex H. no longer live together isn't Brody Jenner. Alex H. left to live with Alex M. in "another posh L.A. building ... that happens to be one of Kristin's dad's developments." Things took a turn for the bad because "Kristin insisted that everything be about her, expecting Alex to be on call. The last straw went down at a San Diego event for Dieter's charity, when Alex refused to drive Kristin back to L.A. early for an audition." What do I think? I think that that's probably a bit of an exaggeration. It may be true that Kristin's always been the queen bee, but I really can't see her forcing Alex to do anything. But hey, dynamics change ... especially when one becomes rip-roaringly famous.

A source says that "Promoters are constantly calling [Stephen, Dieter and Jason] and sending them to different L.A. clubs every night of the week. Jason is always getting kicked out of clubs for getting into fights...He's wrecked a lot of cars, too. That's why you always see him driving different ones on the show." Apparently, the same is true for Stephen. Who knew! [Photo courtesy of stephencolletti.com]

And Lauren has supposedly "cut ties with every other cast member except Jason, whom she's still dating." You'd think that she'd still be friends with Stephen, but rumor has it that she and Kristin actually made up over the summer -- before Stephen pulled a Stephen and hooked up with both of them. Again.

And MTV's pulling an Ashlee Simpson -- for The Hills, they've been filming the exteriors of a place in Hollywood Hills, playing it off as if Lauren and Heidi actually live there, when, in fact, they live in "an apartment by L.A. shopping complex the Grove!"

And the E! correspondent shared a few "blind items":

According to one spy, these cast members are "supposed go to events [to promote themselves], but if they even show up in time for the red carpet, they're too wasted to pose for pictures."

[Photo courtesy of chicago-scene.com]
My guess? Either Talan or Alex Murrel, but I'm leaning towards Alex. It definitely helps that I heard somewhere before that she's been kicked out of a couple of afterparties ...

[Another] cast member has been in and out of rehab many times, which is also the reason he or she wasn't even around for the first season of the show. This cast member got into a knock-down, drag-out fight with a cast member of the opposite sex, bashing his or her head against a wall.

Jason. Without a doubt. I'm just wondering who the cast member of the opposite sex is ... but that's just rude, bashing a girl's head against the wall! The only person I can think of who'd take it is Jessica, of course, but I'm secretly hoping it was Casey ;).