Me Tarzan. Me hungry.

It's official! Kristin Cavallari's episode of Veronica Mars has been signed, sealed and delivered and is ready to roll! She plays closeted lesbian cheerleader Kylie, who turns to Veronica for help when "a blackmailer cracks into a private online bulletin board and threatens to publicly out her and other gay students at Neptune High". The episode will air on Wednesday, February 15th at 9pm on UPN. [Photo courtesy of JJB]

Cult-crush (I think I just made up a new "word") Zack Morris (Mark-Paul Gosselaar, of course!) and wife Lisa are expecting their second child! This year marks their tenth year as husband and wife, and their son Michael turns three at the end of this month.

Recent reports say that Angelina Jolie may give birth to not one, but two Brad-babies! Things have changed "like woah" -- in less than a year, she's gone from family of two to family of six! (Not technically, but the twins are a part of her now. In fact, she's just three people in one.)

And while I have yet to see said episode myself, Willa Holland made her debut on The O.C. last night as sister-gone-MIA, Kaitlin Cooper. Although she has already gained resistance for, uh, being a typical fourteen-year-old, she seems to have impressed many as the -- can it be said? -- crazier of the two Cooper sisters. However, Holland told TV Guide Online that she is nowhere near as crazy as her character: "... I hate to say it, and it kind of sucks for me to say it, but I haven't really done anything that bad. It's almost a sad thing, but I guess it's good — my parents probably thank the lord that I haven't caused too much trouble. I'm working so much now that I don't have too much time to be a worrisome teenager. I'm in this totally different world than everybody else is in now. I love my new world." Very eloquent, Willa. But critics are unconcerned. As Justin apparently warned Ryan last night, "Dude, be careful...she's.......like amazing."

TMZ.com has attained the full transcripts of Paris Hilton's deposition with Zeta Graff's lawyers (the woman who claimed a bunch of things went down at some club in New York City), and it reads like a light, trashy, airheaded novel. Here are some favorites:
- "I meet so many people. I don't even know some of my friends' names."
- "I would never say stalking. I'm not a dude. Like, I think a girl can only stalk a guy. She can't really stalk another girl."
- "I was in Europe for the whole summer, and all there is is, like, French - I didn't see anything because I wasn't in America."
- [Her Lawyer]: "Do you know how to spell his first name?"
Paris: "Just G-u-i, Gui . . . I've known him for a while."
- "[I told her] she is old and should stay at home with her child instead of being at nightclubs with young people. And just that - I just . . . What else did I say? Just that she is not cute at all."

And apparently, she was "reprimanded" for giving inconclusive answers such as "uh-huh" an "mm-hmm" ... worst yet, she blurted out once (presumably to defend her inability to answer yes/no questions), "I'm hungry."

Somebody! Maid! Imelda! Bring this girl a quesadilla!