Loneliness is tragical

Brooke Hogan, still best known as Hulk Hogan's daughter rather than popstar-in-the-making, said that "there's just a pompous way about" Jessica Simpson. She's not feelin' Ashlee either: "Ugh. They're both fake." She does, however, have nice things to say about Jessica's ex, Nick Lachey. She thinks he's the hottest guy in Hollywood because "He's got a beautiful heart, and he's so genuine." [Photo courtesy of Yahoo!]

Matt LeBlanc and his wife Melissa are filing for divorce after three years of marriage. The two have a two-year-old daughter named Marina who suffers from a neurological condition called cortical dysplasia, and Matt is stepfather to thirteen-year-old Tyler and ten-year-old Jacquelyn from his wife's previous marriage.

Has it really been three years? I remember seeing it on TV like it was last summer or something.

Lindsay Lohan said that Kabbalah serves as a steady force in her crazy life: "Yes, I am looking into Kabbalah. I guess why is because all of us need something. You just have to grab onto whatever can get you through. Maybe it's this business, but it seems everything around can be so tough, so hard. I think you have to have somewhere to turn for a little softness and understanding. I know I'm really trying." Aww. Somewhere inside of that over-tanned and often malnourished body, there is a softy.

Director Robert Luketic, who was set to direct the remake of TV show Dallas is said to have walked away from the film, unhappy with some of the casting choices. The film wasn't even set to shoot until October, but apparently at least one of the following rubbed him the wrong way: John Travolta as J.R. Ewing, Jennifer Lopez as Sue Ellen, Luke Wilson as Bobby, and Shirley MacLaine as Miss Ellie. It is rumored that Doctor Dolittle director Betty Thomas will step in as Luketic's replacement.

According to The Mirror, Simon Cowell has been drooling over American Idol's Kellie Pickler. "He is really affectionate to Kellie both on and off screen. They are often seen having intimate chats in the corner which has really annoyed [his girlfriend] Terri [Seymour]. She knows it's his job to make contestants feel at ease, but she feels he's crossed the line and is making her look a fool. They've already had several screaming matches over this, but Simon refuses to back down." Terri has apparently said, "Simon knows I'm annoyed and insists it's just 'fun and games' that makes for better television. But I see how his face gets flushed when Kellie's around."

And Russell and Kimora Lee Simmons announced today that they are separating. Russell said, "Kimora and I will remain committed parents and caring friends with great love and admiration for each other. We will also continue to work side by side on a daily basis as partners in all of our businesses." The two have two young daughters.

Geez, way to ring in April ...

One more to add to The List ...

This is a little old, but definitely belongs on our comprehensive list of guys Lindsay Lohan has passed her sexually-transmitted diseases to. According to The National Enquirer, she hooked up with Jesse Metcalfe (why do I feel like this isn't new news?) when she made the rounds at the Oscar celebrations. According to spies, she couldn't stay away from Jesse and after the bar closed at the Vanity Fair and Rolling Stone parties, the two headed off together.

And is Angelina Jolie about to give birth? She flew her mother, who has cancer, to Paris to be present for the birth. She's expected to give birth in the next couple of weeks. Likely before TomKat's baby ever rears its alien head.

Die jerk!

Wilmer Valderrama revealed secrets about his active sex life with young Hollywood actresses recently to Howard Stern. I won't go into details about it because I think it was more than a little distasteful, but he stood by his claims that Lindsay Lohan's boobs are real and that he caught her deleting phone numbers from his cell phone while they were dating. And that he knew Mandy Moore liked him when her mother told him that she changed her shirt three times while preparing for their first date. Oh wow. Three whole times. [Photo courtesy of lime-light.org]

Apparently Tom Cruise had silent birth placards delivered to his mansion in Beverly Hills the other day. These placards are said to be six feet tall, and will be placed so that Katie Holmes can see them in labor. One reads, "Be silent and make all physical movements slow and understandable." Kick him real understandably in the balls when it's through.

In Touch is reporting that Jessica Simpson wants to adopt two children by the time she's 28 years old. She is currently looking into adopting her first children and has already picked out a room in her home for it.

This is definitely my favorite story of the day: co-stars Star Jones and Joy Behar of The View apparently had a bit of a showdown on air the other day. It all started when Jones said, "Last Friday was my 44th birthday, but my boobs still think they're 20." Behar responded with, "Ok, Star. That's enough about you. On to us. Bye!" Censors caught most of Behar's retort, "Keep your (breasts) perky!" to which Jones responded: "I'm glad to see you haven't changed. Even today, you are still a bitch." You can see it for yourself here.

Brody's Back

Are Kristin Cavallari and Brody Jenner back together? That's what New York's Daily News is saying:

YOUNG love in Hollywood is fickle. "Laguna Beach" mean girl Kristin Cavallari is back with her ex-boyfriend Brody Jenner after Jessica Simpson's soon to be ex-husband Nick Lachey gave her the boot. "Nick didn't want to freak everyone out - she was too young and he knew it would look bad," said our spy. [Photo courtesy of The Real O.C. boards]

Sadly, that's really all I've got for you today. More juiciness tomorrow? Pwease?

Happy Weekend.

Kristin Cavallari's love life was spotlighted on E! News recently. They are pointing out that she may be dating the owner of L.A.'s The Geisha House and not Nick Lachey. Yup. I didn't see that one coming. Here's a poor quality video of the segment. Turn up your volume to hear it.

At least another Lachey has something to celebrate ... Drew Lachey and wife Lea welcomed baby Isabella Claire into their family on Thursday. He told People: "In a couple of years my daughter will be cutting a rug around me ... I'll hold her hands, and she'll be dancing on my feet. I'm looking forward to that."

Awww.

That's it for today ... I probably won't be updating until Tuesday, since I will away for the weekend. So have yourself a nice one!

Any publicity's good publicity, I guess.

Oh God.

Chad Michael Murray is dating an 18-yr-old who, incidentally, has a bit part on One Tree Hill. Her name is Kenzie Dalton, and she said of the relationship, "We've been going out since December ... Chad and I just hang out. We don't really go out at night. Sophia and I don't talk, but she is aware of our relationship."

Girls, if you want a piece of him, I suggest you look your hottest and turn up on set of One Tree Hill!

Here's another vid of Kristin Cavallari leaving an L.A. nightclub -- this time, Mood.

Kristin appeared on The Showbiz Show, where David Spade got right down to it and interrogated her about rumored-beau Nick Lachey:
David: Lets get to the bottom of this: I know the magazines are bull crap. Tell me the truth about Nick. Sorry, I talk in caps.
Kristin: Well, the truth is we're friends. We met at a party. He's a super nice guy.. There is nothing romantic going on.
David: Interesting. So, are you dating?
Kristin: Define dating.
David: I don't know, breakfast and money for a cab.
Kristin: No, we're not dating.
David: Interesting. How can it be over!
Kristin: David, you're not getting it. There is nothing going on.
David: Then why steal all Jessica's poses!
Kristin: I'm not.
David: Look at you!
Kristin: I'm not.
David: Are you denying you were standing. She was standing and so were you.
Kristin: Alright. I did stand about a week ago.
David: Uh huh.

And according to Star magazine, Mr. Ex Jessica Simpson has been whispering sweet nothings in Kristin's ear: An insider said he's been "acting like a man in love ... He's taking the relationship very seriously ... He can't stop telling Kristin how much prettier she is than [ex wife Jessica Simpson]. He says she's a lot more sensible and level-headed, and he loves hanging out in her small, messy apartment in Marina del Rey." According to Star, "Another source added that Nick and the Laguna Beach star didn't 'seal the deal' until the fourth or fifth date, prompting Cavallari to believe the romance was serious 'because he wasn't pushy about getting physical.'"

Tsk, tsk. There's something you're hiding from us, K ...

Dead.

Absolute dearth of celebrity gossip today.

So I'll give you this -- cartoon Nicky and Paris Hilton.


[Photo courtesy of ONTD]

They actually look like them. I approve.

She still has a thing or two to learn.

Kristin Cavallari of MTV's 'Laguna Beach' refused to talk to cameras about rumors that she's dating Nick Lachey. TMZ's sources say she was coming back from Nick's new home at the time. Note to Kristin: Don't talk to them! She seems so young here ... [Photo courtesy of The Real O.C. boards]

P.S. Where did her boobs go?

This news kind of frightens me. I'm not exactly sure why -- maybe it's because I still think Amanda Bynes is ten and just starting out on All That. But she's not. Maybe it's because she always looks so goofy (sorry Amanda). But she's not supposed to have a manly boyfriend! (Named Channing Tatum, a co-star in her new film She's The Man.) [Photo courtesy of Shine On Media]

I keep forgetting to report this, but Lo Bosworth of Laguna Beach is selling her white Jetta, the one she got for graduating high school. You can purchase the two-year-old car for just $10,000! She mentions that almost every member of the show has been in that car. Hmm. Including Talan Torriero, I'll bet, who left an earring for good measure.

Fred Savage, best known for his role as Kevin on The Wonder Years is going to be a father soon! He and his wife Jennifer are expecting a baby in July. The two were married in 2004.

Another pregnancy ... what is that!? Is it just me does it look completely un-human??? [Photo courtesy of ONTD]

My favorite straight hairdresser -- a wife beater!? Jonathan Antin, hairdresser extraordinaire to the stars (as documented on Bravo show Blow Out!), was jailed for domestic violence in 1997. He ended up pleading no contest, and his criminal record was "expunged" in March 2004.

And it looks like the Duff is finally gaining some weight back -- at least in this picture. She looks mighty good as a brunette. But big sis Haylie seems to still be shedding the pounds -- making her unfortunate nose even more prominent. Who am I to be talking, though? That was mean and uncalled for. [Photo courtesy of Imnotobsessed.com]

But I won't take it back.

I'd love it if Paris became a cartoon.

This is kind of gruesome, although I'm willing to bet that it's an exaggeration -- when Ashlee Simpson collapsed on stage in Japan a while back , she woke up in a "blood-splattered emergency room." What did the singer-actress actually say?: "I didn't go to a nice emergency room - I ended up in one with blood on the walls. Nasty ... I was dehydrated. I had bronchitis. Who knows exactly what it was? I think it was just complete exhaustion." Nice, how the media creates juicy headlines. Tasty, even. [Photo courtesy of Ashlee-Simpson.net]

So details of what Nicole Richie said, specifically, to piss that Californian family off have come out: she asked an eleven-year-old boy if she was a MILF, and when he didn't understand, she elaborated on what the acronym stood for. His father overheard the conversation and refused to sign the release forms necessary to air the footage on The Simple Life 4. His mother, however, said, "I'm 90 percent mad but a little part of me says, 'Stop being a prude.' I guess I just don't want my son to grow up that fast." WTF? She's not a mother ... or is she?

So rumor has it that Paris Hilton is back with her new favorite Greek, Paris Latsis -- because she couldn't understand him when he spoke to a friend in Greek. An insider told Life & Style magazine that “Stavros was with a Greek friend, and Paris was freaking out because she couldn’t understand what they were saying ... She thought they were laughing at her ... Paris has never seemed so upset. She really thought that Stavros was the one.” She needs to grow up.

... and move onto cartoons? Paris and little sister Nicky Hilton are said to be creating a cartoon TV show about their lives, in the style of The Simpsons. What's it gonna be called -- The Hiltons? They can just paste their faces onto Lisa's body and duplicate her, since they've got blonde hair already.


[Photo courtesy of ONTD]
Uh, I don't know how official this news is, but pictures seem to illustrate that Hayden Christensen and Sienna Miller are now a couple.

And the best for last -- there's gonna be a Mrs. Doubtfire sequel!!!

Trashy Yankees and Classy Brits

Sometimes I forget that Sienna Miller is only 24. Well according to Glamour.com, her older sister Savannah hasn't forgotten -- big sis has persuaded lil sis to move back to England because she feels Sienna has gotten too caught up in "a whirlwind of media attention ever since she and Jude Law broke up ... So Savannah told Sienna in no uncertain terms that she was expected down in Cornwall. She wants Sienna to go for long walks, talk everything over and eat lots of hearty meals - and not spend all her time on her mobile to Jude and her actor pals in London. She has convinced her to switch off her phone and take it easy for a while. Sienna knows her big sis has her best interests at heart." Aw, how sweet. Maybe Savannah can tame her. [Photo courtesy of LiveJournal user "assainova"]

This story amuses me: Keira Knightley's relationship with her Pride and Prejudice co-star Rupert Friend still seems to be going strong, despite rumours she'd got close to Jake Gyllenhaal during Oscar week. The pair were spotted this weekend buying fruit together at London's Borough Market, with Keira looking particularly interested in the rhubarb on offer. Rhubarb, hahahaha. Sorry, I'm two.

Britney Spears has signed on to do another season of Chaotic, which will move focus away from Kevin Federline, mostly because he'll have his own show to shoot, chronicling his ascent into the rap world. Will Mr. Britney Spears outshine his wife? God, I hope not.

Tori Spelling's parents are no longer on speaking terms with their daughter. It's about time! In the first episode of her new reality/documentary show noTORIous, she pokes fun at a room in her parents' house, calling it the "eBay room" because of her mother's shopping problem. When her mother, Candy, saw the footage, she threatened to sue Tori. At last, we have an explanation for Tori's toriness. Yay. The show premieres on April 2nd, but I am far from encouraging you to watch it.

Comme qui?

Not much to report today, except for this unnerving (or just ... annoying) bit on Lindsay Lohan's mom, Dina, from NY's Daily News:

Spies have twice spotted her mom, Dina Lohan, stepping out with Steven Bing, the wealthy producer and real-estate heir who fathered a child with Elizabeth Hurley. He was also briefly linked with Nicole Kidman.

Dina is a vivacious blond beauty who seems to enjoy the movie-star lifestyle as much as her daughter. Her estranged husband — Lindsay's father, Michael Lohan — is currently in the clink after a rough time with drugs and alcohol.

Although Steve and Dina have been looking very snuggly, Lindsay's rep describes the relationship as "just friends."

Or, as Dina was overheard telling a publicist pal when they hit Cain nightclub, "I'm just playing with him."

LIKE MOTHER LIKE DAUGHTER. Geez.

Don cha?

Lindsay Lohan was seen sucking face with Devendra Banhart at the Chanel preparty during NY's Fashion Week. I have no clue who this guy is, but he's a musician of some sort, and I should probably go do my research now. Lindsay admitted recently that, "I've become kind of a fashion whore, I must say." Soon she will become a well-rounded whore too.

Someone shared their personal encounter with the alien kind (read: TomKat) on Oh No They Didn't!:
I was at the baseball game yesterday where Tom and Katie were in Anaheim and I was in the suite next to them where it's separated by like a glass wall. Needless to say I was more interested in them then the game! These 2 only kissed when the "KissKam" came over to them and they were featured on the big screens, after that she got up and moved back to the couch where she was sitting before and stayed there for the WHOLE game! They didn't even walk out together! Tom was more interested in his blackberry and Katie was reading InStyle pretty much the whole time. It looks like they can't stand each other. She looked FUG anyways and he's like 2 feet tall!" [Photo courtesy of ONTD]

That about confirms it. And plus, her stomach is protruding in ways no human stomach ever should.

I forgot to mention in yesterday/this morning's post that Jessica Smith is supposed to be appearing on this weekend's edition of ET on MTV. You can still catch it when it re-airs tomorrow at 8am EST. And apparently, Kristin Cavallari's guest appearance on Veronica Mars will re-air tonight at 7pm EST.

And look who Talan Torriero's hanging out with these days:

[Photo courtesy of The Real O.C. boards]
I wonder whether he wishes his girlfriend were hot like her.

P.S. Former heartthrob Josh Hartnett had this to say to Jane magazine about today's pop icons/stars: "What scares me with pop culture is ... looking at my younger brother and sister and their friends, seeing my little sister's friends looking, like, to Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton -- I just don't think that's anything to strive for. I don't think those girls are too happy. And it's like, the culture is so focused on a more self-oriented... luck-based mentality. It's just like, get what's good for you. It's a herd mentality that I think is really about making money." Here, here!

It went kaput.

So I was about to upload the photos for yesterday's post when my internet died. Here it is anyway:

Paris Hilton is coming in as a close second in the Hollywood Man-Eating contest -- apparently, she was man-hunting at the Godfather: The Game launch the other night. She asked event staffers whether Olympic skier Jeffrey Bloom would be showing up, saying that her friend had a crush on him. "Friend." When the skier didn't appear, she supposedly asked a friend, "Are there any hot guys here? I need a hot guy."

So, according to Jessica Smith's blog, she has just arrived in Amsterdam from Paris. Look what the fans at The Real O.C. boards uncovered, already:

Helllloooo Amsterdam!

Kristin Cavallari turned up at the Thank You For Smoking premiere last night:

[Photos courtesy of The Real O.C. boards]
Kristin ---> Jessica Simpson? Her eye is even doing that characteristically Jessica thing -- one big, one small. Creepy.

Just Kristin.

From People.com:
Lachey & Cavallari Meet Again

Last week after Nick Lachey and Kristin Cavallari were spotted together, she said they were "just friends." But they were spotted together again over the weekend, PEOPLE reports in its latest issue.

The pair were seen having a drink together at Stanley's restaurant in Sherman Oaks, Calif. So, is it turning into something more substantial than "just friends"?

"Eventually it might turn into something more serious," a pal of Cavallari, 19, who recently split from reality star Brody Jenner, tells PEOPLE. "But right now it's not. They're at that stage when they're getting to know each other."

That seemed to be what they were doing over drinks. "They were talking to each other. They weren't being overly touchy-feely; he was playing it pretty cool," says a patron standing nearby. "But she was definitely flirting. She was laughing and flipping her hair back. They seemed to be enjoying the conversation."

A buddy of Lachey's admits that Cavallari, who starred in Laguna Beach, "actually is his type: blonde, a little ditzy, a sweet girl. It makes sense, but I just can't imagine he would follow through with it."

According to Cavallari's friend, she and Lachey, 32, "have not hooked up." And a source close to Lachey insists, "Nick's not looking for a girlfriend. He's not exactly healed from (Jessica)."

Besides, on Monday, Lachey began an 11-city radio tour to promote his CD. Says the source: "That's what he's focused on."

Ugh.

I'm SO tired, so this is going to be a short one. Sorry about that -- rough week.

Star magazine is backing up the rumors that Lindsay Lohan will be the next face of Louis Vuitton. Not that Star ever made for a reliable source, but it quotes a friend as saying, "Lindsay's really excited ... It's not been officially announced yet, but she's definitely landed the job." Yay.

Jessica Simpson, a Democrat? Not exactly, but not quite a proud Republican either. Reuters is reporting that "Jessica Simpson on Wednesday turned down a invitation to meet with U.S. President George W. Bush, a snub that left Republicans dismayed ... The blond star of the film "The Dukes of Hazzard" still plans to visit Washington on Thursday to lobby members of Congress on behalf of Operation Smile, a non-profit venture offering free plastic surgery for disadvantaged children overseas with facial deformities." It's okay. Gotta keep the fans interested, I got it.

Courtesy of The Real O.C., you can now have a peek into Laguna Beach High School.



By the way, the whiteboard behind Taylor reads: "Welcome to the Art Dept, LAB FEE $25, Photo/Art ?????being NOW free supplies!!"

Yar. Oh yeah, and Kristin popped up in Star in AUSTRALIA.

The truth and nothing but the truth. Right?

Kristin Cavallari has landed herself her second Us Weekly cover -- this time, sans Jessica Simpson, period! As a reminder, tune in tonight at 9pm EST to UPN for her guest appearance on Veronica Mars. [Photo courtesy of The Real O.C. boards]

More funny Lindsay Lohan man-eating news, courtesy of Page Six: After hanging out with Matthew McConaughey and George Clooney at Bungalow 8 on Wednesday night, the teen queen hit the Piaget-sponsored after-party for the new Salma Hayek/Colin Farrell romp, "Ask the Dust," at the SoHo Grand on Thursday. Double-L wasted no time asking about Farrell, with whom she's been linked in the past. "She was intent on finding him," said one guest. Told that Farrell was filming elsewhere, she pouted with her girlfriends, perking up only when British heartthrob Clive Owen chatted her up.

I'm starting to think she has a problem. If we take a moment to think superficially about it in Freudian terms, the whole lack-of-a-father growing up (he was jailed for part of her adolescence) may attribute to her constant need to be showered with attention from older men. < / Psychological Analysis >

Stephen Colletti is getting a segment during this year's MTV Spring Break. He and Tyson of All-American Rejects have twenty-four hours to have the "ultimate" Spring Break. It will premiere on March 20th at 11pm EST.

Wow, apparently I've been out of the Beverly Hills 90210 loop. (Note: I was never in it.) But Jennie Garth has two children and is expecting her third with husband Peter Facinelli! They have two daughters, Lola Ray, 3, and Luca Bella, 8, for those who are as uninformed as I was.

And lastly, ONTD dug up some photos of Keira Knightley from her days at the Teddington School in Middlesex, England:


[Photos courtesy of Just Jared]

Outside the bubble ...

Catching up on non-Laguna related news ...

Robin Williams has generously offered to take Christopher and Dana Reeve's orphaned son Will in, after having made a promise to Chris in 1995 following his riding accident. Christopher Reeve and Robin Williams have been known to be very good friends, having studied together at Juilliard's School of Drama.

Lindsay Lohan boasted that "I got to know Sean Lennon, John's son, and I'm on the video of his next record." Here is a telling diagram Life and Style magazine drew up, of only some of the men she has devoured:

[Photo courtesy of ONTD]
Do we see any noticeable patterns?

Paris Hilton rumors are saying, this week, that she has been considering getting a tummy tuck after the bumpy incident on her birthday. She has been spotted sneaking into the Modern Institute Of Plastic Surgery, and an insider said, "Everybody knows her at the clinic. It's not her first visit."

And remember Zeta Graff, the woman who claimed Paris harassed her at a club and pulled her hair for having dated Paris Latsis? Seems like they've been getting on really well lately. The two met for dinner, though people are speculating that Paris is trying to "wine and dine" her to soften Zeta's stance.

Lainey Gossip is saying that there's a chance both Nicole Richie and Sienna Miller are pregnant. Apparently, a "spy caught [Nicole] mid conversation on her cell, visibly agitated, and he claims to have heard her say 'the baby is your priority, but what about me? What about ME?' before clicking off." As for Sienna, this is all Lainey had to offer: Lola has broken her silence, confirming that she was indeed betrayed by Hayden [Christensen] and that while he initially denied it, he has since come clean about the affair and has tearfully promised to end things with Sienna. The problem is - and you won't find this anywhere else - I just heard a rumour from a brand new source that Sienna is pregnant. Now I haven't had a ton of time to check this one out (so take it for what it's worth) but it could explain why Hayden was so speedy with wanting to bring Sienna home.

Gawker.com has added a new feature to their site -- called "Stalker." Users can submit celebrity sightings that appear moments after being submitted, so everyone everywhere can know where their favorite celebrity is. Kinda creepy, but kinda cool.

My mom and I were discussing TomKat last night. Weren't some of the mags saying in late December or January that she was due the next month? I counted back, and they announced their pregnancy on October 5th. She appeared to be showing the next day, and a mother told a magazine that Katie, a week after having made the announcement, looked like she was five months along rather than the three months that she had been pregnant for. In any case, six months from October 5th would be April 5th. If she doesn't pop one out (that resembles her or Tom), all hell should break loose!

Let's Go!

Celebrity Living magazine is the next to feature Kristin Cavallari and Jessica Simpson on its cover. Apparently the magazine has all the dish --"Exclusive interview with Kristin: 'Nick's hot!'", "It's SERIOUS! She's already met his MOM!", "ALL their sexy dates revealed!" Whatevs.

More details on the Blender article. Here's most of it:
You went from junior year of high school to be a celebreality star. Have you had a pinch-me moment?
I've had a lot of them. The first was when I got the cover of Seventeen. And a couple of weeks ago I was on Letterman. Everyone was warning me, "He might be mean to you." And I was so nervous, like, my mind was completely blank.

We're already tearing up. Do you cry in every episode [of Get This Party Started]?
Pretty much. I mean, I cry easily. I cried in King Kong, when they killed Kong.

What kind of music do you like?
I just love Gwen Stefani. But I also like the Rolling Stones and the Eagles too.

You're in a Teddy Geiger video --
Oh, right, he's another musician I absolutely love.

Yeah, sure.
I swear! I'm not just saying that because I was in his video!

In the video, you pick the sensitive, outcast musician over the hunky, popular jock. Would you make the same choice in real life?
I would pick the musician. I swear to God! I'm not just saying that! I've never been attracted to jocks -- musicians are more down to earth; they just have more to talk about.

You and Teddy make out underwater in the video. That's a nice way to make a living.
It's a lot harder than it looks. I kept getting water up my nose, and then I'd spit water into Teddy's mouth. We had to do at least 20 takes. It was a lot of kissing. We were in the pool for, like, two hours. I had the best time.

In the pool scene, you're wearing a bikini, on Laguna Beach, there are lot of scenes of you wearing a bikini. Did MTV producers every say, "Hey Kristin, maybe you could wear a bikini in this next scene"?
I'll tell you this: No one's life is that interesting. And I don't think it was portrayed accurately at all.

How come we never saw you --
Studying or anything? I know, good question. Would you want to watch me studying? Probably not.

Ok, then for the record: Did you ever study?
Yeah. I did, like, really well in high school. I got a 3.6 GPA.

Which was the toughest episode of Laguna Beach for you to watch?
Seeing my boyfriend Stephen lying to me and cheating on me with Lauren, that was the hardest. He got a few phone calls from me after I saw it. [Laughs] There are certain other things you don't want on national television, like me on spring break in Cabo, dancing on the bar. All of my friends were up there on the bar with me, but of course MTV made it seem like I was the only one up there.

In the first episode, Stephen says you're a "good girl to hook up with" but that Lauren would make a better girlfriend. That must've been hard to watch.
Yeah. But at the same time, he ended up with me, so something went right.

Now that Lauren has her own reality show on MTV, would you appear on it?
Probably not. I'm moving on. I want to segue into acting.

Plus you really hate that little bitch, right?
I don't hate her. I don't hate her. I don't hate her. We're just completely different. I'm very loud and I speak my mind.

What do people who don't like you say about you?
That I'm a bitch. I seemed like a bitch on Laguna Beach, so that's a completely understandable opinion.

Are you a little bit of a bitch?
Ok, here's the thing. People think I'm a bitch because I'm very honest, brutally honest. I'll tell you what's on my mind. But no, I think I'm a very nice person. Unless you do something to me.

Ok. We won't. What's the question you're most tired of being asked?
There are a couple: "Is Laguna Beach real?" "Do you really hate Lauren?" And "Did Stephen and you really date?" Some people think we're 25-year-old actors who don't live in Laguna. Some don't even think Kristin's my real name. I'm like, "No, that's real."

If we drug-tested you, what would we find?
Just alcohol. Nothing else. I swear to God. Even if I wanted to do drugs, I've been working so much that I couldn't.

You've never smoked marijuana?
No. [Laughs]

Hmm. That laugh doesn't seem very convincing. Plus, you told Teen People that you've tried cocaine.
Yeah, I tried it in Laguna. I know a lot of people who do it, but it's not for me. It's fun for 20 minutes, but the kind of people who do it are shady. They lie a lot, they're always on guard like they're trying to hide something. They have to lie about doing coke so they'll lie about doing other stuff. Lying's my No. 1 thing -- I hate that.

Don't lie: who do you have a crush on?
Johnny Depp! Maybe I'll go stalk him in Paris. He's an amazing actor, and that's really sexy.

Maybe you could be in the next Pirates of the Caribbean sequel.
I would do it in a heartbeat. I'm sure they'd put me in a bikini somehow.

It looks like Talan Torriero's fifteen minutes ran out quite a while ago, but he's trying to keep the momentum going by making mall appearances. He did an interview with Charlestown's Saturday Gazette-Mail, to accompany a visit to a Charlestown Teen Day event this past weekend:
His grandmother is a former opera singer, and his model was once a model. "I was just always around it, so I asked to be in it ... My first job was a Yahoo national commercial when I was 9 years old.”
On being cast for Laguna Beach, he said, “They asked mainly about your likes and dislikes ... It helped them narrow down groups of friends. They wanted to make sure they didn’t have personalities that were too similar ... They were looking for characters. You can’t have two of the same type.”

And on filming, “I would tell them what I was doing, and we would set up a schedule. At first it was hard, but after two years, you get used to it.”

What is he up to these days? “My daily schedule consists of acting classes, auditions when I’m not filming and the studio at night."


[Photo courtesy of Jessica's blog]
Jessica Smith, in working closely with Let's Go, has boarded a plane to Europe for her very first Eurotrip. She has a blog at Blogger, in fact, that you can check to keep up with her travels. Here's an exerpt:
Hey everyone, so I just got to Europe a few hours ago, we landed at about 1-ish (London Time) and the flight was soo long. 10 hours. I slept a little but it was a little hard considering there were four girls behind me talking SOO loud about how they talked to nick lachey. I thought it was funny at first, but after about 3 hours, it got old... haha.

Jessica's so funny -- which girls haven't spoken to Nick Lachey!?

The baton has officially been passed to the next generation of popstars.

Fascinating photos, courtesy of JJB ...

Seems like Brit-Brit missed out on the whole MySpace thing while she was busy nursing Sean and is trying to catch up. Several years and Cheetos bags ago, she maybe could've been found herself posing with the real thing. Oh, how times have changed.

So who knew little-bitty JoJo was in a relationship with soccer star Freddy Adu!? She says in the new CosmoGirl that, "I think his skin color is beautiful ... I think some of my family members would prefer I date a white guy, but it's too late." How does that phrase go? "Once you go black, there's no turning back?"

Kristin Cavallari tells Blender magazine that she thinks that Johnny Depp is "an amazing actor and that's really sexy ... Maybe I'll go stalk him in Paris," -- now that she's got nothing to do. Tear. She says that, "I've never been attracted to jocks ... Musicians are more down-to-earth. They just have more to talk about." And to prove that she's not all beauty and no brains, she added, "I did, like, really well in high school. I got a 3.6 GPA." Except didn't that drop down to a 3.0 senior year?

So some "young man" (a teen) was arrested on Friday in Los Angeles for stalking Hilary Duff. Perez Hilton says the poor guy drove all the way from Michigan "to be closer to Duff," but was detained in the middle of following a car from Melrose that he thought Hilary had been riding in. Man, what a poor, sad dude. I'm telling you -- if he had been a girl, he would've been happily exchanging moisturizing tips with Hil right now.

Lovely Ladies

Kristin Cavallari has landed herself a ton of publicity with the whole Nick Lachey rumor, as she and her people may have planned to. It comes as no surprise that our favorite Laguna Beach bad girl has landed herself the cover of Us Weekly magazine, facing off with Jessica Simpson for not only Nick's heart, but her share of the magazine cover. In it, the weekly chronicles the relationship between Kristin and Nick, pretty much week-by-week:
NICK & KRISTIN: HOW IT HAPPENED
- February 7: Lachey and Cavallari hold hands while talking at A.J. DiScala's birthday bash in NYC. "They were flirty," says a source.
- February 23: The pair hang out at Lobby -- and have a private afterparty in his room at the W hotel.
- February 24: Another rendezvous at the W. "They kissed a little," says a pal.
- February 27: Both dine at Palomino in L.A. but eat at separate tables. (Post-dinner, they do drink at the bar.)
- March 2: Two tables again, this time at L.A.'s Koi.
- March 3: At Lobby, Cavallari dances with pals as Lachey (with new fling Courtney Fog) hangs out with friends. "She's sweet but no romance," a source tells Us.
- March 5: At a Premiere Oscar afterparty, Lachey avoids Cavallari. Again. "Nick felt bad that he dissed her," says a source. [Photo courtesy of ONTD]

Maybe that's why Kristin's so quick to deny a relationship between the two of them ... although a "source close to Cavallari" said, "She's keeping very quiet about this [relationship]. Right now, nothing serious is going on. Maybe it will someday."


[Photos courtesy of PerezHilton.com]
Miss Kris also appears in the latest issue of Blender magazine, quoted as saying, "I'm very loud and I speak my mind."

Anyone still curious about L.C.'s new best friend, Heidi Montag? Seems like people have been digging really deep to find info on the hot chick. Turns out she's originally from Crested Butte, Colorado and her parents own a or several restaurants there. She has an older sister named Holly and a younger brother named Sky.

Here are some juicy bits from "testimonials" folks at The Real O.C. boards dug up:

"I went to high school with Heidi in Crested Butte. All she is is what you see on the surface. She dropped out sophomore year, was known for wearing the most inappropriate clothes everywhere, and tried to run around our 2,000 person town like it was LA."

"As some less ignorant people may know she went to Italy the second semester of her JUNIOR year. She fell in love with fashion there and bravely decided to finish high school a year early to go to fashion school in San Fran." - her sister's friend

"Heidi doesn't let things like this bother her at all! In fact she could really care less! She only has room to love and devotes her energy to the people that she cares about! This is why she was never afraid to dress and act without fear of what others would say!" - her sister

"Heidi is one of the most thoughtful, gracious, generous, caring, resilient people that I have ever been in the presence of ... She is flourishing in her life right now, she has found a place in the world that is perfect for her and embraces her. The camera loves Heidi as do her fans, but whats more is so does the town of Crested Butte." - a friend

Screw Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton -- Kate Winslet should be today's girl's role model. In the soon-to-be-released anthology Becoming Myself: Reflections of Growing Up Female, an essay of Kate's asks "What is perfect? Nothing is perfect. You’re only as happy as you feel. And that is a tremendously important thing for young women, to feel good about themselves, despite all the pressure from not just the movies but these magazines.”

This is wack!

This is a little ... strange. Eva Longoria says that her best friends, her "crew," consists of Jessica Simpson, Jessica Alba and Eva Mendes. "They've come over to my place loads of times. That's our crew. That's our gang. They're my crushes. I have intense love for these women." And this is a joke right? Not only can I not imagine Jessica S. or Jessica A. being friends with Eva L., this must be a case of "The Heathers": meet The Jessicas and The Evas. Self-love, wo-man. They could start a rock band. [Photo courtesy of lime-light.org]

TMZ.com thinks Mary-Kate Olsen has been acting strange lately because one their cameras "caught Mary-Kate in the fetal position in the back seat of her limo as she was driven away from a private party at the Soho House in the Hollywood Hills." Wow. I never crawl into the fetal position. Ever.

And here's a video of Lindsay Lohan battling the paparazzi by pretending they're not there. One of them falls down while trying to get a photo and LL steps over her. And then the paparazzi proceed to get into a battle of their own.

Remember than Brian Quintana guy who had a restraining order placed on Paris Hilton? The details of his testimony have come tumbling out ... Apparently their relationship went sour after she overheard him informing her beau, Stavros Niarchos, that she might have a sexually transmitted disease.
"I wanted him to be aware of it--that she had herpes. To make sure he didn't catch anything. He informed me that he was [aware]," Quintana said.
He said Hilton interrupted his conversation with Niarchos and became "furious."
"She said, 'This is between the three of us; if this gets out you're a f---ing dead man.'"

Not surprised. Also don't really trust this guy, but Paris must be infested with STDs by now.

Paris is being more vocal than ever about her upcoming album. She told Fox News that “It’s scheduled for June on Warner Bros. Tom Whalley is really excited about it.” The track listing is as follows:
1. Turn it Up
2. Turn You On
3. Stars Are Blind
4. Jealousy
5. Heartbeat
6. Fightin’ Over Me ft. Fat Joe and Jadakiss
7. Are You With It?
9. Do You Think I’m Sexy? (a cover of Rod Stewart's)
10. Screwed
11. Not Leaving Without You

This is going to be an awesome album.

The interviewer asked her about ex-fiance Paris Latsis and she said, “He wasn’t hot enough,” but that Stavros Niarchos “is very hot.” She must be in a constant state of denial. But we already knew that.

Interviewer: “But really you’re not getting married or anything, are you?”
Paris: “Are you crazy? I’m 25. No way.”
Interviewer: “In fact, you don’t need these boyfriends do you? They’re just ornaments.”
Paris: “That’s right.”

That's one cold-hard bitch right there, but at least she knows how to play the game.

Suh-weet!

Conflicting stories about the relationship between Nick Lachey and Kristin Cavallari abound. Us Weekly spoke to Extra about him, calling him a "serial dater." According to the magazine, Nick has "hooked up with her twice" but is now dating a USC student by the name of Courtney Fob, who is "a dead ringer for Jessica Simpson." However, other reports say that the "rendezvous" at Koi was merely a dinner between Nick and an agent -- Kristin just so happened to be there and her group exchanged some words with Nick's. Kristin told People recently, "... there’s nothing to talk about, there's nothing going on ... He's a nice guy, but I'd have to say we're just friends." Believe what you want to believe -- the story's a juicy one regardless. [Photo courtesy of ISIFA photos]

Paris Hilton was banned from the Vanity Fair post-Oscar party on Sunday night -- the magazine's editor-in-chief Graydon Carter said rather harshly, "She will never attend one of the parties I host." However, two of Paris' media rivals, Mischa Barton and Nicole Richie were both present at the party.

There has been talk of a Carter (that's Nick and Aaron) family reality show on and off for the past year-and-a-half, but it seems that it is all coming to fruition. An extra-friendly (and perhaps extra wasted) Aaron offered up the information to paparazzi in a recent outing to an L.A. club, although big brother Nick tried to hush him. Recent details have surfaced -- Jane Carter, spotlight-hogging mother to the brothers, has been shopping the show to various networks. It is said that cameras follow Aaron, 18, and his family around as they try to calm Aaron's wild partying ways. And all this stumbled out of a drunken Aaron Carter's mouth, outside o' da club. What a sad life.

Keira Knightley was a little paranoid at the Academy Awards because Jack Nicholson, famed womanizer, did not hit on her. "Eveyone's been asking if Jack made a pass at me," she said. "He didn't at all and now I'm getting a bit paranoid ... Why didn't he make a pass at me?" Haha, that's kind of sweet.

On the bright side, Keira's rumored to become the next face of Chanel. What happened to Karl Lagerfeld saying that he wasn't into the whole young thing?

Similarly, now Lindsay Lohan is rumored to become the next face of Louis Vuitton. Apparently Marc Jacobs, LV's creative director, asked Lindsay to take part in the autumn/winter ad campaign, which is he describes as "very young" and "cartoony." Yes, because that is exactly what I think of when I look at Lindsay Lohan.

Back on the topic of Lindsay Lohan and Oscar nominations (yes, yes, I know it makes you sick and/or your heart hurt), she told Cosmopolitan magazine recently that she would do a nude scene if it meant winning an Oscar. She's already "OK with being topless in front of people." Glad to see you're in the industry for the right reasons.

Star magazine is reporting that Mary-Kate Olsen's boyfriend David Katzenberg is ready to tie the knot. The twenty-two year old millionaire/billionaire's son is "... totally gone! He said he knows he wants to marry Mary-Kate and have children with her, and he's just trying to build up to the right moment to ask her." Another source says, "Mary-Kate's happy to be back with him again and is enjoying his company ... But I don't think she's ready for marriage or anything just yet ... She just wants to take things slowly and have fun hanging out. I think she feels way too young for a marriage commitment at the moment." Who knows. Actually, who cares. It's Star. It's probably not true.

Christina Aguilera put rumors of a feud between her and Britney Spears to rest in this month's ELLE UK magazine: "Britney and I laugh about it ... We've got to stick together, people will always put us against each other but we have to stay strong and remember our background."

"It's sick ... It's lies, but I have to look at the positive not the negative. I'm making my record, she's being a mom -- we're both in great places and really happy for each other."

After Britney gave birth to Sean, Christina sent a basket of baby goodies and Britney sent Christina champagne glasses and a crystal vase in celebration of her marriage to Jordan Bratman. Aww, that's so sweet ...

Pregnant 90s Pop Stars

The big shocker today is that Christopher Reeve's widow Dana has died of lung cancer at the tender age of forty-four. She is survived by a thirteen-year-old son and two grown stepchildren. I really hope her son will be okay; he's at a very vulnerable age for all of this to be happening ...

Jessica Simpson has gone a little berserk -- not so much in the fact that she believes that with all the rumors, "everybody's always out to get her," but mostly in the fact that she'd be stupid enough to admit this to the media. "It's so cruel and I try not to let it affect me, whatever everybody was thinking about me. If I did, I don't think I'd be here now ... I can't save anything from being talked about because then it becomes this game, and it's not a fun game. I feel like everybody's always out to get me, and that's a weird feeling." Pregnancy rumors rage on.

Similarly, Star magazine is reporting that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have announced to friends that they are indeed pregnant with their second child. Federline, 27, also delivered the bombshell baby news to a friend, who told Star: "Kevin said, 'Britney's pregnant again,' and when I expressed surprise he said, 'Yeah, it shocked the sh-- out of me too.'" Yayyy. [Photo courtesy of lime-light.org]

Jake Gyllenhaal's quickly becoming Lindsay Lohan's male counterpart. Rumor has it that, just after having had a massive crush on Zhang Ziyi a couple weeks ago and exchanging numbers with Mischa Barton shortly thereafter, he's moved onto none other than Keira Knightley (who is rumored to be seeing Rupert Friend). According to The New York Post, he was seen "getting cozy" with her in the days leading up to the Academy Awards. A Post spy said that "They were at Soho House two nights in a row together and definitely looked like a couple."

The Insider says that Lindsay Lohan expects an Oscar nomination in the near future: "I cannot wait until next year for my Oscar campaign ... I am so excited." For what great piece of work -- A Prairie Home Companion? Or Just My Luck? Although there's a chance she may have done a good job in Bobby, I think I may have a hernia if she is nominated.

The Academy Awards goody bags rang in at an estimated worth of $100,000 each. The good news for us nobodies is that they are now included in the stars' taxable income. I wonder how many of them will start giving the bags away to "charitable causes."

Highlight of the Weekend

We don't talk about Natalie Portman enough. She's adorable, intelligent, beautiful, talented (this point is arguable, but the potential is there) and a great role model. Well, for those of you who caught Saturday Night Live this past weekend, you know that maybe she's not so content with that label. YouTube videos of a hilarious rap/skit she did are up, and you can watch it here. For more videos of her appearance and a high-quality version of the rap, NataliePortman.com is the place to go. I sound like an ad. [Photo courtesy of NataliePortman.com as well.]

I couldn't watch last night's Academy Awards for obvious reasons (or maybe not so -- I'm still in England) and actually haven't gotten around to viewing the Winner's List, but I did take a peek at the red carpet fashion and I was slightly disappointed. Most of the dresses were so colorless and drab. Yay for Jessica Alba and Michelle Williams, although the red lipstick was a bit much.

Mischa Barton recently spoke of her boy-toy Cisco Adler. She said that, "Cisco and I are dorks, that's why we work so well. We just get on so well together. But I find it hard to work out why people seem so obsessed with us both ... It's nothing new, two people being as one, is it? Anyway, we're both completely boring." Are we obsessed with them together? (I should be speaking, I'm the one who keeps you guys up-to-date with Mischa's love life.) Who are we kidding -- no one cares about Cisco! We're just "obsessed" with gossiping about you, Mischa. (When Paris or Lindsay isn't stealing the limelight.)

Also, for those of you who missed Kristin Cavallari on ET on MTV this past weekend, you can watch it here. In it she mentions she's been having a good time, going on auditions and such. Sigh, I'm sick of hearing her fake hostess voice. Bring the realness back, biznatch!

So do Sundays!

The New York Post reports that Lindsay Lohan left the Dior party at the Chateau Marmont when she found out that there were no gift bags to be had!

Mischa Barton and Cisco Adler, over? That's what people are saying. But then again, people have been saying that Stavros Niarchos and Paris Hilton are over for some time now, but new pics of them together keep popping up. While we're on the topic of the two couples, it seems like now Cisco has it in for Paris too. On the Mischa-Paris media-fight, he reportedly said that she should "butt out and get a job ... Has Paris nothing better to do than party and row with people? At least Misch has a job. She's a respected actress, what's Hilton got going for her?"

Wow, the man speaks!

What a hilarious photo. I obviously don't think Paris is pregnant -- just wearing an unflattering dress. [Photo courtesy of ONTD]

Okay, so I'm all out of juicy news. Hollywood is too busy preparing for tonight's Academy Awards. Happy watching!

Saturdays need Viagra.

Another boring Saturday without news. Except this, which is only arguably that:

The New York Daily News reports Lindsay Lohan had a "frosty face-off", with Mischa Barton at the General Motors fashion/auto show. Lindsay sat with Mary-Kate Olsen, and all were subjected to Paris Hilton's self-aggrandizing, "It's my song! It's my song!" Paris then apparently danced with Rick Salomon (WTF!?) and Brandon Davis, who accused her of racist comments several moons ago.

Just another day in Hollywood High, folks.

Oh yes, the Oscars are tomorrow night. Who do you have your money on?

Erf.

So, um, I left out from yesterday's post the part where Brody Jenner's friend joked that Kristin Cavallari was dating Nick Lachey now and how it'll be all over Us Weekly in no time ... because I thought he was ... joking? But Access Hollywood is reporting, perhaps, otherwise. The two were spotted "sharing a cozy dinner ... at Palomino Euro Bistro in L.A." Hopefully he's trying to help sculpt her into the star that she could be. Except ... I don't think he has enough money. And it could all be part of a publicity stunt. Sigh, Hollywood is chock full of conspiracies, it makes me tired. [Photo courtesy of The Real O.C. boards]

After all the resistance from Laguna Beach residents, some are finally coming out and saying that they like the show because it's realistic. In a USA Today article:

"I like the show," says Cortez, former head of Laguna Relief, an organization that works with local homeless and low-income families. "I've had arguments with people who say it makes us look like a bunch of spoiled white people. Well, have you looked at the demographics of Laguna?" (For the record, the city is 92% white, and the median household income is just over $85,000 a year, nearly twice the national figure.) "We may not think we're privileged, but we are."

At Muse, a local boutique that plays a supporting role on the show, sales clerk Elizabeth Weststeyn, 22, says MTV's depiction of conspicuous consumption is "right on. ... Some of the girls will have a limit on their credit cards, but spending $200 or $300 for a pair of jeans and a top is run of the mill."

Pam Schmitz, tour guide and mother of cast member Dieter, says that although producers did highlight the teens' fundraising after a landslide struck more than a dozen homes last summer, the fact that the crew can't film on school property means students are "more one-dimensional" on screen than in real life. Still, "there is a lot of indulgence. The parents have worked hard, and the kids feel entitled."

"We live in a place where a lot of people are house-rich and cash-poor, (and) there's a side to these kids and this community that's not being exposed. But the kids watching the show today are going to be the tourists of tomorrow."

"I didn't realize I was living in paradise until this show," says [Dieter] Schmitz, who fields 500 fan e-mails a day. "But I don't think I'd want to raise my kids here. It's La La Land."

LB Juice

Time for a nice little Laguna Beach update!

Infamous celebrity publicist Lizzie Grubman met with Jason Wahler and The Hills cast member Jordan Eubanks at this year's Sundance Film Festival. Jason must have done something right because he left her gushing about the two guys: "I just thought he was the star of the second season of that show ... His personality just prevails. I think we can do a lot with him." She continues, "I don't love doing personal PR ... I have no interest whatsoever in doing superstars --that's like being a glorified assistant. But, after I met Jason at Sundance, I just kind of adopted him and his friend Jordan Eubanks, who is a model and is gorgeous."

Last we were on the topic, Kristin Cavallari's star was looking a little glum. She had just broken up with Brody Jenner (who was approached recently by Ted Casablancas & Company and said, "We broke up and she tried to get back with me, but I'm single.") and her first big career move following Laguna bombed. But it seems like she's making a decent recovery, at least as far as media coverage is concerned. Teen People approached her during New York's Fashion Week last month for a little featurette in the new issue. She says, among other things, that "I'm still trying to figure out my style. It's casual, but I want to dress up more."

Lauren Conrad and Jason Wahler were both present at the Betsey Johnson show, and here's what went down, according to Kristin: "It was fine ... I'm friends with Jason, we said 'Hi,'" but LC walked away from her. "I've tried to be her friend, but she's immature." Hmm.

After the show, Betsey told K. Cav that she watches Laguna Beach: "It's such a shock! ... I'm always like, 'Oh my god, you know my name?' I don't consider myself famous." No, because we wouldn't love you anymore if you did.

But here's a shock! I think it's my favorite Laguna Beach photo evAH. Yes, evAH.


[Photo courtesy of The Real O.C. boards]
Goes to show that we really can all be friends, especially with the help of a little alcohol (and who knows what else).

Rising steadily towards the top of my hit list

Keira Knightley's ex-boyfriend, model Jamie Dornan admitted that he didn't feel so comfortable in the relationship because of her star status: "There is a big pressure when you go out with someone such as Keira ... The man is meant to be the alpha in the relationship on the money and power front and clearly I was not. You feel like you have to be dominant in other areas and that causes problems ... Keira could see what I was going through. She was the one who finally said, 'OK, that's it, I've had enough.'" I'm not so sure that the man is meant to be the alpha, especially if he's anything like Jamie -- and wow, Keira was so understanding.

So this is cute ... someone who isn't helping to perpetuate eating disorders -- Heidi Klum isn't afraid to chomp on her Big Macs! She said that she developed an "addiction" to them as a child and went to extremes to get some: "McDonald's is everywhere in the US, but not in the town where I'm from in Germany ... We had to drive to the next city to get it. It was a huge deal to go! I love that weird sauce with the pickle things in it."

Lindsay Lohan couldn't do her interview with Seventeen magazine because she landed in the hospital for an asthma attack. So she decided to cancel it -- and let mom step in and do the talking. Here are some of the juicier (read: absolutely unworthy of being a mother) bits:

17: But it seems like Lindsay is always out ...
Dina Lohan: She loves to dance, so what is she going to do? Sit in her room and do that? She wants to go where her friends and peers are. And believe me, all the other girls her age in Hollywood are at the same place. [The media] just doesn't care about them at the moment.

Ouch.

They care about Lindsay because she is talented, but this [business] is a nasty game, and I didn't learn that until Lindsay's star started rising past another star, whom I won't mention. But when that girl's mother went out and got two publicists ... the whole [Lindsay's a] party girl thing came from somewhere. That other star was dating a person twice her age when Lindsay and [her former boyfriend] Wilmer Valderrama were closer in age.

Oh good. Keep the Hilary-Lindsay ball rolling, take it to another level. I wonder who'd win in a Susan Duff-Dina Lohan fight. Susan's ... meaty.

17: Is it true that Lindsay is dating Sean Lennon?
DL: It's a new relationship. They're really, really good friends. He's the sweetest kid.

That, in Lohan world, is a resounding yes. Or a resounding let's-make-them-talk-after-all-it's-publicity.

Other amusing quotes:

"Did you listen to your mother at 19?"

"My child is not perfect. I am not perfect. And if you tell me you're perfect, you're a liar. I want Lindsay to fail -- kids need failure to have success."

Oh, shove it. You're starting to sound like the Trumpster. YOU. Youuuuuu..

"... she doesn't want big directors to get the wrong idea about her fame and her goals. That's what really hurts her. She has to do these indie films and bust her a** and act like she can act, and that will defuse it."

Wait, so you're saying she can't act?

"This is the s*** we have to deal with."

Out of context, I know, but ... gawd, don't forget who your audience is! Isn't that one of the cardinal rules of acting? You're talking to Seventeen magazine.

Dina Lohan makes my blood boil.

[Photo courtesy of View Images]