Lohan's Worst Week Ever, Paxton's Best Week Yet

Summerland and Darcy's Wild Life's Sara Paxton to become the next Hilary Duff? Insiders sure seem to be setting her up to be ... She has her own "hit tv show" (I've never seen it. Trust me, I've tried and failed many, many times. Boston's Saturday morning television sucks.), will be starring in tween movie Aquamarine, has her own album coming out and is about to release a "Darcy"-based clothing line in the same fashion Hilary Duff first introduced her clothing line through her hit tween show character Lizzie McGuire. I personally don't think she'll make it -- she's not innocent enough looking (what with having played that crazy freak on Summerland), she's getting too old to be a tween queen, and most people haven't heard of her, unless they were forced into watching Sleepover while babysitting. Or maybe I'm just old. What is refreshing about her, however, is that she's -- ahem -- real. 'Cause she's got a MySpace.
(Photo courtesy of Sara Paxton's MySpace)

Lindsay Lohan isn't having a good week, is she? Good ole trusty Newsday, version "Long Island" is bringing the best of Long Island to us, which means that Lohan's featured in it. Her uncle was arrested for "attempting to cover up a previous charge of fraud bygetting a witness in that case to lie, officials said yesterday."

Similarly, Michael Lohan, Lindsay's father, is singing her praises from his prison cell. New York's Daily News printed: "The lyrics not only brought me to tears, but they tell you what kind of a loving and caring daughter Lindsay truly is," writes the 45-year-old Lohan, serving up to four years for drunken driving, contempt of court and beating his brother-in-law bloody with a shoe. "While I always considered and expressed how truly blessed Lindsay, as well as my other children are, I never realized how blessed I AM to have a daughter as amazing as Lindsay."

It's a good song, Lindsay, but nothing's going to change the fact that:

A. You wrecked your second Mercedes and it's all on tape
B. Your father is still trying to gain publicity by using you
C. Your family's dysfunctional
D. You're starting to gain weight and people are going to rag on you for it
E. You're from Long Island
F. I still don't like you